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Flaming squirrel nicked for blatant forgeries

While plods drop trousers, fine barmaid for breast extravaganza

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Comments A suicide squirrel, possibly trained by the sciurine arm of Al-Qaeda, dove into and destroyed a Toyota Camry. The critter bit through a powerline and was set alight, causing it to plummet onto the car. It then slid into the engine compartment and caused an explosion that did for the vehicle. In anticipation of Halloween, the house happened to have a tiny gravestone on the lawn, which the owners are considering dedicating to the tiny terrorist.

Surely an urn would be more appropriate?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson


I'm telling ya', either these squirrels are being mind controlled or the little buggers are suicidal. I'm sure these stories are more frequent now.

Back home they would wait in the trees on the roadside, and as a car came they'd dive for the wheels. Is forest life that stressful?

Edward Rose


Once, a pelican exploded outside my place of employment, blacking out the power to our building, and setting fire to some scrubland near a drainage pond.

From what we could tell, the unsuspecting avian had landed on a power line, had himself a big stretch, and touched two cables with his wings. The resulting short flashed his fluids to steam, blew his guts open and sprayed roasted pelican intestines for metres around, while he fell, burning, to end up draped over a low fence among tall grass below the power line.

Interesting morning, that was.

His pelican girlfriend was still over in the pond, alone and sad. Those birds mate for life, I'm told.

Michael Fletcher


The squirrels on the campus where I went to Uni would pelt students on the walkways with nuts from the safety of the branches. The squirrels on campus are so famous that one of the dorm buildings has a Squirrelfest celebration annually and uses pictures of squirrels on hats and tee-shirts as mascots.

Anonymous Coward


Hampshire plods have been shamed in a bus-crotch rear-end pipe misplacement shocker. A new ad on the backs of buses failed to consider the impact of the exhaust pipe on the image, leading to a bit of definite immodesty. But you lot shouldn't be in the bus lane to look at it anyway.

looks like someone's given him the pinkie finger.

BTW, what are the correct el reg units to use in this situation?

nickj

Lengths (at this scale at least) are measured in EU standard linguine. See the ever-handy Reg standards guide for more details. And sheep.


I can see "Copper's tailpipe" making it into the next edition of "Roger's Profanisaurus".

TeeCee


What, no mention of the phrase "policeman's helmet" in this? My word, standards *are* slipping...

Graham Bartlett


"Would you popping this pipe into your mouth, madam, and 'blow'ing?"

Anonymous Coward


It could have been worse. The designer might have reversed the picture.

...Mine's the grey leather, thanks...!

Mike Moyle

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