Feeds

Flaming squirrel nicked for blatant forgeries

While plods drop trousers, fine barmaid for breast extravaganza

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Comments A suicide squirrel, possibly trained by the sciurine arm of Al-Qaeda, dove into and destroyed a Toyota Camry. The critter bit through a powerline and was set alight, causing it to plummet onto the car. It then slid into the engine compartment and caused an explosion that did for the vehicle. In anticipation of Halloween, the house happened to have a tiny gravestone on the lawn, which the owners are considering dedicating to the tiny terrorist.

Surely an urn would be more appropriate?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson


I'm telling ya', either these squirrels are being mind controlled or the little buggers are suicidal. I'm sure these stories are more frequent now.

Back home they would wait in the trees on the roadside, and as a car came they'd dive for the wheels. Is forest life that stressful?

Edward Rose


Once, a pelican exploded outside my place of employment, blacking out the power to our building, and setting fire to some scrubland near a drainage pond.

From what we could tell, the unsuspecting avian had landed on a power line, had himself a big stretch, and touched two cables with his wings. The resulting short flashed his fluids to steam, blew his guts open and sprayed roasted pelican intestines for metres around, while he fell, burning, to end up draped over a low fence among tall grass below the power line.

Interesting morning, that was.

His pelican girlfriend was still over in the pond, alone and sad. Those birds mate for life, I'm told.

Michael Fletcher


The squirrels on the campus where I went to Uni would pelt students on the walkways with nuts from the safety of the branches. The squirrels on campus are so famous that one of the dorm buildings has a Squirrelfest celebration annually and uses pictures of squirrels on hats and tee-shirts as mascots.

Anonymous Coward


Hampshire plods have been shamed in a bus-crotch rear-end pipe misplacement shocker. A new ad on the backs of buses failed to consider the impact of the exhaust pipe on the image, leading to a bit of definite immodesty. But you lot shouldn't be in the bus lane to look at it anyway.

looks like someone's given him the pinkie finger.

BTW, what are the correct el reg units to use in this situation?

nickj

Lengths (at this scale at least) are measured in EU standard linguine. See the ever-handy Reg standards guide for more details. And sheep.


I can see "Copper's tailpipe" making it into the next edition of "Roger's Profanisaurus".

TeeCee


What, no mention of the phrase "policeman's helmet" in this? My word, standards *are* slipping...

Graham Bartlett


"Would you popping this pipe into your mouth, madam, and 'blow'ing?"

Anonymous Coward


It could have been worse. The designer might have reversed the picture.

...Mine's the grey leather, thanks...!

Mike Moyle

Remote control for virtualized desktops

More from The Register

next story
MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer
And, um, don't sleep with other men. If that's what worries you
Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth
They're insured for $1m, before you thirsty folks make plans
Now: The REAL APPLE NEWS you need to know
OMG! Gravity's totes amazeballs. Calm down, George Clooney, not your film
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Let's make an app that POSTS your POO to APPLE HQ
Plus: It's OPEN WARFARE in the Linux greybeard world
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
How to simplify SSL certificate management
Simple steps to take control of SSL certificates across the enterprise, and recommendations centralizing certificate management throughout their lifecycle.