Feeds

Paris Hilton heads for the cryogenic freezer

'It's so cool,' enthuses immortal heiress

Security for virtualized datacentres

There is some excellent news today for future generations who had until now been condemned to a bleak and meaningless existence without the entertaining presence of multi-talented former jailbird Paris Hilton, viz: the heiress intends to extend her life "by hundreds and thousands of years" in a cryogenic chamber.

Hilton has allegedly invested heavily in the Cryonics Institute, reportedly the biggest suspended animation cemetery west of the Mississippi, or indeed east of that majestic watercourse. She'll be joined in stasis, in the style of ancient Egyptian nobility, by her Chihuahua Tinkerbell and Yorkshire Terrier Cinderella, thereby ensuring canine companionship on her journey to eventual, triumphant resurrection.

She enthused: "It's so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced. And if you're immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved. My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years."

Ms Hilton has evidently taken time out of late to ponder her own mortality, in the process revealing a hitherto unseen philosophical side. She recently announced: "Before, my life was about having fun, going to parties - it was a fantasy. But when I had time to reflect, I felt empty inside. I want to leave a mark on the world."

Accordingly, she's decided to go to Rwanda on a five-day humanitarian mission. Naturally, the whole thing will be filmed for a reality TV exposé, of which the blonde Mother Teresa said: "I love having everything documented. It shows people what everyday life is like for me, how hard I work. There are a lot of misconceptions about me." ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.