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Paris Hilton heads for the cryogenic freezer

'It's so cool,' enthuses immortal heiress

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

There is some excellent news today for future generations who had until now been condemned to a bleak and meaningless existence without the entertaining presence of multi-talented former jailbird Paris Hilton, viz: the heiress intends to extend her life "by hundreds and thousands of years" in a cryogenic chamber.

Hilton has allegedly invested heavily in the Cryonics Institute, reportedly the biggest suspended animation cemetery west of the Mississippi, or indeed east of that majestic watercourse. She'll be joined in stasis, in the style of ancient Egyptian nobility, by her Chihuahua Tinkerbell and Yorkshire Terrier Cinderella, thereby ensuring canine companionship on her journey to eventual, triumphant resurrection.

She enthused: "It's so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced. And if you're immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved. My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years."

Ms Hilton has evidently taken time out of late to ponder her own mortality, in the process revealing a hitherto unseen philosophical side. She recently announced: "Before, my life was about having fun, going to parties - it was a fantasy. But when I had time to reflect, I felt empty inside. I want to leave a mark on the world."

Accordingly, she's decided to go to Rwanda on a five-day humanitarian mission. Naturally, the whole thing will be filmed for a reality TV exposé, of which the blonde Mother Teresa said: "I love having everything documented. It shows people what everyday life is like for me, how hard I work. There are a lot of misconceptions about me." ®

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