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The first rule of Reg Club is...

Thou shalt not...

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OK, we all know why we're here, so let's get straight down to it. We've looked at your suggestions for the rules of Reg Club and whittled them down to an definitive eight.

First up, though, let's consider a few comments which didn't make the final cut but we thought worthy of mention. Anonymous Coward complained: "Seriously, what is the IT angle here? The standard of reporting here has really gone to the dogs since I were a lad." He is duly directed to Reg Club rule number 2.

The same correspondent also offered: "The first rule is tattooed across the carbon-carbon reinforced perineum of Chuck Norris. Dare you try and read it?"

Well, no, but we sent the Shaolin kung fu monks to have a shufti. They claim that if they told us what exactly is inscribed across Chuck's perineum, they'd have to kill us. We gather it may be a revelation from L. Ron Hubbard or an ancient Oriental recipe for magic banana daiquiri. We leave it to you to speculate.

Tony Chandler, meanwhile, said:

If the story is about Microsoft, thou shalt always mention Apple.

If the story is about Apple, thou shalt always mention Microsoft.

If the story is about Xbox 360, thou shalt always mention Playstation 3.

If the story is about Playstation 3, thou shalt always mention Xbox 360.

If there's an obvious comment to make, thou shalt always make it.

If thou maketh a comment, someone else shalt have always maketh it five minutes before thou.

Solid advice, as is: "All! stories! that! have! Yahoo! in! the! title! must! have! an! exclamation! point! after! every! word! of! the! title!"

Yes! they! should! Also, Reg hacks are advised to "use the word 'boffin' in all articles alluding to invention", and "refer to 'frickin' laser beams' whenever lasers are mentioned in an article", while readers must take pains to "treat Reg writers and Reg Club posters as valid human beings with feelings and whose opinions deserve to be respected as such".

Sadly, just when it looked like we were all up for a group hug, the writer of that call for peace then added:

Ah fuck that, you're all bunch of losers! :p~

I'll get my coat...

And so he should, in accordance with ordinance 8 of Reg Club. Here then, are the officially-sanctioned rules. Break them at your peril:

  1. Thou shalt not talk about Reg Club.
  2. Thou shalt not ask "Where's the IT angle?" and not expect a bitchslap.
  3. Thou shalt not create harmony between fanboys and apologistas.
  4. Thou shalt not feed the trolls.
  5. Thou shalt use the correct Reg units in all communications related to El Reg.
  6. Thou shalt not get involved in a land war in Asia.
  7. Thou shalt respect Chuck Norris.
  8. Thou shalt get thy coat.

The people have spoken. Let the games begin. ®

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