Feeds

Never trust a robot with anal beads and a fixed grin

A flying car? Your pants are on fire

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Well, it's happened. Fearsome machines have taken the first tentative steps towards usurping humanity's traditional mastery and establishing a new world order. The strategy appears to be one of divide and conquer, namely forcing the obsolescence of men by vastly outdoing us as lovers. Whether this is simply a temporary alliance that will be discarded once we males are out of the way, or if the machines intend to forge a new hybrid cyborg race is unknown at this point. Don your tinfoil hats, people.

Chainsaw with tounges?! Good Lord, that's got to be scary! It's like Sir Killalot with amorous intentions O_O

I'm not quite sure how they made the design leap from "chainsaw" to "pleasure machine".

DP


I seriously hope fuckzilla doesnt become self aware - forget the enslavement and destruction of mankind - pass the pampers!

Daniel Voyce


This is just a load of perverted b*ll*cks maquerading as legitimate use of technology.. Where can I get tickets and when's it coming to the UK?

Jon


If it takes a two hansded robotic chainsaw dildo fuckmonster to pleasure a woman, how can I compete?

My willy feels smaller and smaller just thinking about it. At least if they had a chainsaw sheath for it..........maybe with built in taser capabilities to stun my prey. Captain Cyborg beware. And you thought playing "swords" would end there.

What about the technology for men? Why is it that all I get are various lubes, the Fleshlight, and if I happen to have several grand a Real Doll? Where is my mega-cuntzilla with pulsating hyperfriction walls? Seriously. And while you're at it make it tell me how sexy I am when I write regexes.

Chris


Did Burke just get bored of writing articles about online gambling regulations and insist he be sent on a jolly to cover something with naked women? Or did they think "who is the most depraved individual on the payroll? I know, we'll send the lawyer."

Also, does he know what Burke actually means? Could this also be the reason he was sent?

Misha Gale

Burke won the all-Reg wrestling match over attending Arse Elektronika. Things looked a little slippery for a while, but Burke stood triumphant, beating off all comers and grasping victory firmly with both hands.

I think I need a bit of a lie-down... ®

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
Microsoft to bring back beloved 1990s super-hit BATTLETOADS!?*
* Or maybe not. It is just a trademark filing, after all
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Fire fighters call for no-drone zone around bushfires
UAVs can take down water-spaffing 'copters, so firies want them to butt out
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.