Feeds

Never trust a robot with anal beads and a fixed grin

A flying car? Your pants are on fire

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

Well, it's happened. Fearsome machines have taken the first tentative steps towards usurping humanity's traditional mastery and establishing a new world order. The strategy appears to be one of divide and conquer, namely forcing the obsolescence of men by vastly outdoing us as lovers. Whether this is simply a temporary alliance that will be discarded once we males are out of the way, or if the machines intend to forge a new hybrid cyborg race is unknown at this point. Don your tinfoil hats, people.

Chainsaw with tounges?! Good Lord, that's got to be scary! It's like Sir Killalot with amorous intentions O_O

I'm not quite sure how they made the design leap from "chainsaw" to "pleasure machine".

DP


I seriously hope fuckzilla doesnt become self aware - forget the enslavement and destruction of mankind - pass the pampers!

Daniel Voyce


This is just a load of perverted b*ll*cks maquerading as legitimate use of technology.. Where can I get tickets and when's it coming to the UK?

Jon


If it takes a two hansded robotic chainsaw dildo fuckmonster to pleasure a woman, how can I compete?

My willy feels smaller and smaller just thinking about it. At least if they had a chainsaw sheath for it..........maybe with built in taser capabilities to stun my prey. Captain Cyborg beware. And you thought playing "swords" would end there.

What about the technology for men? Why is it that all I get are various lubes, the Fleshlight, and if I happen to have several grand a Real Doll? Where is my mega-cuntzilla with pulsating hyperfriction walls? Seriously. And while you're at it make it tell me how sexy I am when I write regexes.

Chris


Did Burke just get bored of writing articles about online gambling regulations and insist he be sent on a jolly to cover something with naked women? Or did they think "who is the most depraved individual on the payroll? I know, we'll send the lawyer."

Also, does he know what Burke actually means? Could this also be the reason he was sent?

Misha Gale

Burke won the all-Reg wrestling match over attending Arse Elektronika. Things looked a little slippery for a while, but Burke stood triumphant, beating off all comers and grasping victory firmly with both hands.

I think I need a bit of a lie-down... ®

Seven Steps to Software Security

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
It's OK, stupid: EVERYONE on the INTERNET experiments on you – OKCupid
Plus: Tests show 'myth of compatibilty as good as truth'
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.