Happy days. I actually moved from lager to mild (i.e. the reverse of the El Reg recommended progression), but that was only because it was the only pint still less than £1 in our local. And that was a lot of pocket money is those days.

My Dad told me mild was made from collecting the dregs from the drip trays and pouring it into a barrel. Which would have explained the taste and the flatness...

"...or choking on vomit"

as it's their *OWN* vomit.

"Obviously 15-year-olds shouldn’t be having sex, but then again, they shouldn’t be drinking either."

It isn't illegal to drink when you're 15 (or younger), it's just illegal to purchase the alcohol yourself.

You probably didn't want to know this, but:

"Spit meth" is prescription methadone which has been vomited up by smackheads and resold to other smackheads.

You've really got to have a perverse admiration for anyone who would choose to drink someone else's puke, rather than go out stealing VCRs and car stereos .....

It's called college.

/possibly misquoted South Park.

It isn't illegal to drink at 15 or younger, but it is illegal for somebody 18+ to purchase or attempt to purchase alcohol in a public house, on behalf (or for, whether money changes hands) a 15 year old.

in 35 minutes within the Frog & Tampon than I did in all my years of schooling!

No problem. I get loads of email from people who can fix that.

Wrong. It isn't illegal to purchase alcohol at any age. It is an offence to sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 18 (unless with a meal, or a few other exceptions).

It's only an offence to give alcohol to a child, if that child is 5 or younger (unless for medical reasons).

If only I'd known before I was 18 ...

"You've really got to have a perverse admiration for anyone who would choose to drink someone else's puke, rather than go out stealing VCRs and car stereos ....."

Buy that man a drink!

It shows, mate, it shows. No apostrophe in learnt ;¬)

If only you could have learned to spell learned. :)

Your dad is incorrect in his humourous explanation of how mild is produced. Mild is the drink of kings; a proper drinkers drink, sitting proudly alongside Mr Bitter and Mr Stout. Mr Lager is the late to the table ne'er do well who talks too loudly and interrupts. He is only tolerated by the others as he is related in some way, though he's clearly not from around these parts.

Elsewhere in the pub, Mr and Mrs Wine are rolling around on the floor grappling with their teenage daughter, Alcopop, who is screaming and laughing while simultaneously trying to defecate into the spitoon. In the corner, the Spirits family look on, disgusted, before rolling out into the street and going home.

Hic!

That's sick.

Hey!

You forgot about the others* in the British pub!

Where's 'ol Mr. Cider, sitting in the corner mumbling in his west-country brogue into his jug, with his sheepdog, Bess?

And what about Chantelle Liquer, the well known tart, at her own by the bar offering varied salacious pleasures to those of an ethically challenged nature?

Not to mention the Mixwer's, with their annoying yet overly-sweet little ADHD demons, the twins Coke & Pepsi (betchya can't tell 'em apart)?

Shame on you for neglecting to mention these bastions of our society's alcoholism problem.

*I of course no longer include Mr Cancer, who along with his wife and kids are now thankfully barred for smoking. Good riddance to 'em as well.

Spit methadone isn't vomited up by anyone - who told you that, hah hah.It is where someone has to drink their script "on the premises" , so they HOLD it in their MOUTH, and then spit (see) it into a cup or other receptacle. Still pretty unsavoury, I agree, but no-one would drink someone elses vomit to get a hit or miss dose of an unsatisfactory synthetic opiate, no matter how much they're clucking (i.e. suffering cold turkey), and believe me, I know....

Mr Cancer can still be found lurking in the doorway of the pub, or in a specially constructed lean-to around the back.

Of course, I also forgot Mr Nuts, Mr Crisps and Mr Pork-Scratchings, the jovial trio at the bar, sometiimes also found warming themselves around the fire, laughing at the world through greasy spittle-flecked lips, shortly before collapsing in the toilets of a massive heart attack.

The pub is a harsh mistress.

Once upon a time, things were as you describe. The pharmacies got wise to the practice you describe, and wouldn't let anyone out who hadn't swallowed. Hence the more extreme version practised today.

Sort of makes you wonder whether the ban is worth it, really .....

Will be back as soon as he wins his discrimination case in the Euro Court of Human Rights mwahahahaha - I'll get you yet Mr Clean Lungs..

Rather awesomely a mate of mine in Anchorage recently declared he wouldn't give up smoking because it would be giving in to the anti-smoker Nazis, and it was his duty to fight discrimination. Personally I figured it had more to do with the reason I wasn't giving up, that is being mentally and physically addicted to who-knows-what they put in the blasted things these days.

And in the US we don't need crummy substitutes like methadone (although we have that in both liquid and pill form).. we have the wonderful series of opiate painkillers vicodin, hydrocodone, oxycontin, percocet, oxycodone, tramadol.. the list is endless and the government is our dealer.

Although here in North America Mr. Cancer is considerably more toxic than his European counterpart.

I once was given a carton of State Express (the best brand in the world in my opinion, and I've tried quite a few) and compared the poisons chart on the side. The highest levels on them were lower than the lowest level on the cigarettes here...

"Obviously 15-year-olds shouldn’t be having sex, but then again, they shouldn’t be drinking either."

It isn't illegal to drink when you're 15 (or younger), it's just illegal to purchase the alcohol yourself.

The article didn't say it was illegal for a 15-year-old to drink. They said that 15-year-olds shouldn't drink.

Can != Should

Legal != Should do it

Illegal != Shouldn't do it

Thus ends today's lesson on why you shouldn't imply things that aren't said.

After, we are british!

And if some aren't then they can come and have a few beers and then they will be...

"Wrong. It isn't illegal to purchase alcohol at any age. It is an offence to sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 18 (unless with a meal, or a few other exceptions)."

You have to be 14 to sell a child a drink with a meal (like in a fancy food serving place.)

"It's only an offence to give alcohol to a child, if that child is 5 or younger (unless for medical reasons)."

Minimum legal age to drink is actually 5. Which is also the age you can go see a U-Rated movie as well.

Academics , take the cake always trying to make a living off other peoples insecurities what if little Shazelda can't hold her liquor, she'll be socially ostrichized! Since I have never met an adult who couldn't if pressed get thoroughly (place your intoxication word here) I don't think this is of any concern.

and what's wrong with being an ostrich, social or otherwise. My large flightless bird friends await clarification.

Don't know about the rest of you but I think this smoking ban within public houses etc is a really fantastic idea. Now it's possible to sneak off for a joint every 30 minutes and nobody raises so much as an eyebrow ;-P