ElReg40™: Get ready for Guttergroove
You define the future
Kudos to John Benson, who's really got the hang of user-generated content, pausing from his own work to do ours for us with three whole entries on his own.
Wankapedia: A social networking site where anybody can post pictures, mp3s, and podcasts relating to the revolutionary Wankel rotary engine. Plans are to sustain a burn rate of $10 million per month divided evenly between executive perks and traditional media advertising until Wankel-powered vehicle banner ads put this .com into the black.
ePaper.com: A game-changing advertising concept in which users needing the odd scrap of paper just go to the ePaper.com site and click on a button which will cause their default printer to eject a single sheet of paper festooned on one side with advertising, leaving the other side blank for whatever the user wishes to write on it.
Pelts.com: Click on the "Gimme some skin!" button and Pelts.com will overnight you a styrofoam box with dry ice in which you can deposit your recently deceased pet for transport to Pelts.com and transformation into a beautiful pair of gloves. If there's not enough for two gloves, what there is will be sewed onto a tastefully appointed sock puppet for you to enjoy with the children. The use of recycled socks makes this a green enterprise. (Please specify "fur in" or "fur out".)
- John Benson
BablCuda (TM) (babble-cuda): A mash-up oriented, future-casting wikiverse, geared towards realizing the potential of the digital generation, by leveraging their collective folksonomies with engaging crowd-sourcing content creation. BablCuda (TM) will exercise targeted, rich Ajax webplications to monetise on the asymmetric nature of social networks. BableCuda (TM) - Fuel the future
ORNY? - A collaborative folksonomy allowing youngsters everywhere to mash up their filmed-by-a-cellphone quality pornography with users all around the globe. We represent the final step in exposing every minute detail of your life to strangers on the Internet, as long as they check the box labelling you a friend. We claim the honour of being the only Web 2.0 start-up that would vomit if we had Cory Doctorow as a user, and our logo is of course an owl who looks appropriately startled at the size of the pizza-boy's sausage.
Please deposit funds in my Nigerian bank account immediately. Yours truly,
- Felix C.
MyTubes: Like riding the roller coaster? You'll love MyTubes. Experience the freshest user-generated endoscopic content on your computer or mobile phone. Speed up the video at the touch of a button for that ultimate rush.
Live webcasts of actual examinations where MyTubians collaborate to direct the action. A simple jaunt up the sigmoid or all the way into the small intenstine? Each examination evolves through realtime polls - "Choose Your Own Adventure" was never like this.
Is my polyp sessile or pedunculated? Upload and tag your photos to score free medical advice from your peers. Why leave the house when the world can be your personal physician? Web 2.0 just got up close and personal.
We love it, but the name needs work. Mytubes.net already "design and manufacture a complete line of shell and tube and shell & coil heat exchangers for all liquid and steam applications".
Ajax powered Flash-mobile video widget - anywhere! Monitor your kids from your mobile device - anywhere! Think GoogleMaps mashed with Slingbox - anywhere!
Massively Online user-driven virtual social network. Patented "bully-o-matic meme" attracts like minded peers. Denial Of Service on someone's REAL LIFE!
FlashCrowd 2.0 a.k.a. Permanent Floating Riot Club:
User generated meme attracts visitors to your events. Wireless cloud technology meets agile GPS paradigm. Targeted Media Seeders / Paparazzi engagement.
I had a different idea for FlashCrowd, but then realised that it was actually a good idea!
- James Summerson
For not sharing with your peers James, you lose.
whotube: Deploy a revolutionary web of mobile rabbit-ear equipped gpods between 20 and 50 light years from Earth to capture and digitize missing Doctor Who video content. Deliver using VM/MVT based web hybrids, monetized by alien malware encrusted adware. Think O'Reilly/Davros mashup.
- William Roberts
MyCongr.com, the site where US government meets Ebay. Politicians post the bills/ideas they are pushing in the House and the public can "encourage" their yeah/nay vote by sending them "corrispondence". There is the "bribe it now" button for those who have deep pockets.
- Reuben Brown
StalkerEarth: by leveraging cross-referenced content from across the websphere, stalk anyone on earth from one handy portal! Discover what underwear she buys! Be alerted when her mobile connects to a network! Listen to the conversations!
ContentMaven: Type in your interests - our powerful, unique search engine will bombard you unceasingly with multimedia content from the minute you log on to the day you log off! Adapts and refines content provided to match your *exact* pecadilloes through our patented 'neural network' system of live learning! You need *never* view disagreeable content again! Porn-free!
Blogger: write tedious, self-obsessed and self-indulgent shyte and have it read by no one, except Guardian reviewers! (Oh wait - this one's already been done.)
- Craig Weldon
You're mean Craig. There's no place in our metaverse for meanies.
WitchFindr: a flaming torch lighting the way to child protection 2.0. We aggregate the collective wisdom of our Citizen-Inquisitors who upload and vote on pictures of someone if, "they always thought he looked a bit funny". Then, our Twitter-like widget reduces the time from meme to meetup, allowing for the swift delivery of flashmob justice.
Shine-2.0-La: a crowd-sourced tool that leverages AJAX and UGC to solve the 'shit or shoe polish?' question. A mashup of data from two sources - the polish makers' websites are the reference point, while the user-generated content is shit.
- Shaun Rolph
You could have been a contender Shaun, you really could. But a high level investigation of El Reg's archives reveals someone of your name wrote this unfounded assassination of Second Life's bullet-proof business model. You are therefore summarily disqualified.
Honorable mention to Tim Kemp. We hope you're reading, Jack Straw.
WiRule really IS a revolution! It's nothing less than a fully open source, collaborative system of national government. It's not Web 2.0 - it's World 2.0. The constitution and book of laws are a wiki, freely editable by all, while justice is served via the Facebook applications "Am I Guilty Or Not?" and "SentenceMe!" Tax and revenue generation will be handled through advertising or something. Finally, don't forget the military: with WiRule, All your base are belong to nobody, because we licensed them under creative commons.
- Tim Kemp
And so the winner of a $50,000 sub-prime mortgage, some concrete boots and the Jemima Kiss of Death Statuette is...
Guttergroove: the happening new site for bag-ladies, tramps, pikeys and panhandlers every where. Interactive group bin rummaging, dis-hygiene tips and vomiting master-classes are just some of the exciting opportunities for all you homeless wasters. The highlight of our enterprise is a global network of giant screens in the centre of major cities where you can shout vulgarities, borrow a fiver for a cup of tea and frighten small children without leaving the comfort of your cardboard-box nest.
Guttergroove has the lot. If this were pure web 2.0 we would have crowd-sourced the result, but it's not, it's a dictatorship. Any would-be whingers are reminded that one of the keystones of the new web is hypocrisy. Just ask Google's privacy chief. You can cast a meaningless vote in the comments section if you want, we suppose.
Congratulations to Marco and thanks to everyone who took part, seriously. We've all just learned about excellent new companies that are going to change the world.
If you can't see your entry here, that's because we're having our legal vultures patent your idea while the tech team cobbles the beta together for the IPO. If anyone wants us this weekend we'll be aboard the Reg party zeppelin somewhere in international airspace with Sergei and Larry, Jobso, Zuckerberg, and the Olsen twins.
Sometimes in these heady days we think we're going mad and have a recurring nightmare where Steve Ballmer throws a chair at us from the Google jet, which explodes into golden stardust. We don't know what it means but this competion was our therapists' idea, and since we read your entries we sleep like a baby...we wake up every 15 minutes screaming.
It's been emergent. ®
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