Feeds

Spunky salmon return to life to gas us all

As the BOFH battles the architects

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The essential guide to IT transformation

Comments We begin the weekly comments mishmash with a close look at fish sperm. Apparently there are many, many salmon farmers sitting around wondering what to do with all those gallons of salmon spunk they don't need. So to forestall them getting any bright ideas, a top light-emitting-diode boffin has announced plans to use it for a more efficient LED. The DNA in the salmon semen apparently traps electrons for longer than standard materials, leading to a brighter, longer-lasting LED. Naturally though, you identified the important issue: the spunk.

given the content of the article (well done, BTW), must Mr. Page get his OWN coat?

Kevin Campbell

Here at Vulture Central there's an endless parade of hacks shame-facedly grabbing coats, leaving and immediately re-entering and hanging their coats back up. We're thinking of installing a revolving door and a similarly motile coat stand. And maybe some of those floor panels what generate 'leccy.


Given that declines in fish fertility have been traced to the pseudo-oestrogens in modern plastics it is a little ironic that we'll soon be using their sperm in new plastics. What are possible effects of disposing of worn-out cream-screens?

Charlie Clark


Imagine a power surge like from Monsters Inc. when the new Playboy issues are released; or at least a slight power increase one week out of the month.

Anon


They're going to be making money hand-over-fist...

Anon


Two tired out salmon pause in a pool halfway up the waterfalls, and one says to the other; "Why don't we just stop here and have a wank?"

The wax jacket, thanks, it's Autumn y'know..

Sam

Very good, but I'm afraid I must point out that every time a salmon has that revelation, its bloodline immediately dies out. That'll be why there are no advanced societies of salmon, if only the dumb ones breed. Unless of course their lack of fingers means they can't self-administer in the first place...


Cue new industry for teenage boys. Popularity of paper routes plummets

Jason


A Venezuelan car crash victim, previously pronounced dead, awoke as medical staff began to perform an autopsy on him. The "excruciating pain" of being set about the face with a scalpel was sufficient to bring him back from the world of the apparently-dead. You wondered what the poor doctors thought:

We need to know if there are autopsies planned on the medical examiners who 'woke him up' or if they just needed to go home and change their underwear.

Darryl Stein


He wasn't auditioning for a part in Heroes was he? The lovely Claire Bennett played a similar trick, but at least she waited until the medics were out of the room

Alan Gregson


Oi'm Not Dead!

*BAM*

Yes, ye are...

Anon


Actually, they did the first cut, noticed that the dud was bleeding (and thus, still alive) so they started stitching the cut quickly. Without anesthesia.

Sh*t. *I* would wake up if someone were doing that on my face. Anyway, the guy was cataleptic, only a truly trained doctor would have known he was alive... there have been dudes who have been *buried alive* because of this. Ow.

Somehow that "Abra Cadaver" episode from the Twilight Zone came to my mind ... now I won't be able to sleep tonight... *shrug*

Anon


I wonder if his health insurance covers him after being declared dead? Or for that matter, can his family pinch all his stuff left to them in his will?

Andrew


I Aten't Dead!

Jason Togneri

But I could be watching you from any pair of eyes...

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 10 endpoint backup mistakes
Avoid the ten endpoint backup mistakes to ensure that your critical corporate data is protected and end user productivity is improved.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.