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Spunky salmon return to life to gas us all

As the BOFH battles the architects

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Comments We begin the weekly comments mishmash with a close look at fish sperm. Apparently there are many, many salmon farmers sitting around wondering what to do with all those gallons of salmon spunk they don't need. So to forestall them getting any bright ideas, a top light-emitting-diode boffin has announced plans to use it for a more efficient LED. The DNA in the salmon semen apparently traps electrons for longer than standard materials, leading to a brighter, longer-lasting LED. Naturally though, you identified the important issue: the spunk.

given the content of the article (well done, BTW), must Mr. Page get his OWN coat?

Kevin Campbell

Here at Vulture Central there's an endless parade of hacks shame-facedly grabbing coats, leaving and immediately re-entering and hanging their coats back up. We're thinking of installing a revolving door and a similarly motile coat stand. And maybe some of those floor panels what generate 'leccy.


Given that declines in fish fertility have been traced to the pseudo-oestrogens in modern plastics it is a little ironic that we'll soon be using their sperm in new plastics. What are possible effects of disposing of worn-out cream-screens?

Charlie Clark


Imagine a power surge like from Monsters Inc. when the new Playboy issues are released; or at least a slight power increase one week out of the month.

Anon


They're going to be making money hand-over-fist...

Anon


Two tired out salmon pause in a pool halfway up the waterfalls, and one says to the other; "Why don't we just stop here and have a wank?"

The wax jacket, thanks, it's Autumn y'know..

Sam

Very good, but I'm afraid I must point out that every time a salmon has that revelation, its bloodline immediately dies out. That'll be why there are no advanced societies of salmon, if only the dumb ones breed. Unless of course their lack of fingers means they can't self-administer in the first place...


Cue new industry for teenage boys. Popularity of paper routes plummets

Jason


A Venezuelan car crash victim, previously pronounced dead, awoke as medical staff began to perform an autopsy on him. The "excruciating pain" of being set about the face with a scalpel was sufficient to bring him back from the world of the apparently-dead. You wondered what the poor doctors thought:

We need to know if there are autopsies planned on the medical examiners who 'woke him up' or if they just needed to go home and change their underwear.

Darryl Stein


He wasn't auditioning for a part in Heroes was he? The lovely Claire Bennett played a similar trick, but at least she waited until the medics were out of the room

Alan Gregson


Oi'm Not Dead!

*BAM*

Yes, ye are...

Anon


Actually, they did the first cut, noticed that the dud was bleeding (and thus, still alive) so they started stitching the cut quickly. Without anesthesia.

Sh*t. *I* would wake up if someone were doing that on my face. Anyway, the guy was cataleptic, only a truly trained doctor would have known he was alive... there have been dudes who have been *buried alive* because of this. Ow.

Somehow that "Abra Cadaver" episode from the Twilight Zone came to my mind ... now I won't be able to sleep tonight... *shrug*

Anon


I wonder if his health insurance covers him after being declared dead? Or for that matter, can his family pinch all his stuff left to them in his will?

Andrew


I Aten't Dead!

Jason Togneri

But I could be watching you from any pair of eyes...

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