Feeds

Spunky salmon return to life to gas us all

As the BOFH battles the architects

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

Comments We begin the weekly comments mishmash with a close look at fish sperm. Apparently there are many, many salmon farmers sitting around wondering what to do with all those gallons of salmon spunk they don't need. So to forestall them getting any bright ideas, a top light-emitting-diode boffin has announced plans to use it for a more efficient LED. The DNA in the salmon semen apparently traps electrons for longer than standard materials, leading to a brighter, longer-lasting LED. Naturally though, you identified the important issue: the spunk.

given the content of the article (well done, BTW), must Mr. Page get his OWN coat?

Kevin Campbell

Here at Vulture Central there's an endless parade of hacks shame-facedly grabbing coats, leaving and immediately re-entering and hanging their coats back up. We're thinking of installing a revolving door and a similarly motile coat stand. And maybe some of those floor panels what generate 'leccy.


Given that declines in fish fertility have been traced to the pseudo-oestrogens in modern plastics it is a little ironic that we'll soon be using their sperm in new plastics. What are possible effects of disposing of worn-out cream-screens?

Charlie Clark


Imagine a power surge like from Monsters Inc. when the new Playboy issues are released; or at least a slight power increase one week out of the month.

Anon


They're going to be making money hand-over-fist...

Anon


Two tired out salmon pause in a pool halfway up the waterfalls, and one says to the other; "Why don't we just stop here and have a wank?"

The wax jacket, thanks, it's Autumn y'know..

Sam

Very good, but I'm afraid I must point out that every time a salmon has that revelation, its bloodline immediately dies out. That'll be why there are no advanced societies of salmon, if only the dumb ones breed. Unless of course their lack of fingers means they can't self-administer in the first place...


Cue new industry for teenage boys. Popularity of paper routes plummets

Jason


A Venezuelan car crash victim, previously pronounced dead, awoke as medical staff began to perform an autopsy on him. The "excruciating pain" of being set about the face with a scalpel was sufficient to bring him back from the world of the apparently-dead. You wondered what the poor doctors thought:

We need to know if there are autopsies planned on the medical examiners who 'woke him up' or if they just needed to go home and change their underwear.

Darryl Stein


He wasn't auditioning for a part in Heroes was he? The lovely Claire Bennett played a similar trick, but at least she waited until the medics were out of the room

Alan Gregson


Oi'm Not Dead!

*BAM*

Yes, ye are...

Anon


Actually, they did the first cut, noticed that the dud was bleeding (and thus, still alive) so they started stitching the cut quickly. Without anesthesia.

Sh*t. *I* would wake up if someone were doing that on my face. Anyway, the guy was cataleptic, only a truly trained doctor would have known he was alive... there have been dudes who have been *buried alive* because of this. Ow.

Somehow that "Abra Cadaver" episode from the Twilight Zone came to my mind ... now I won't be able to sleep tonight... *shrug*

Anon


I wonder if his health insurance covers him after being declared dead? Or for that matter, can his family pinch all his stuff left to them in his will?

Andrew


I Aten't Dead!

Jason Togneri

But I could be watching you from any pair of eyes...

Reducing security risks from open source software

More from The Register

next story
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1
Beijing fears it could beam secrets back to America
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
prev story

Whitepapers

Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.