Tech gets steamier with mp3 vibrators and strap-on kit

And idiots break themselves against martial artists

Comments An armed robber, evidently going for the soft targets, attempted to hold up a karate school in the Columbian town of Bucaramanga. For his pains he received a dis-arming and further pain when the students "put their knowledge to use". A bit of practical experience probably did them some good, although the robber might have preferred to avoid it.

"This is a hold-up, put the money in the bag karate boy and be quick about it. Chop Chop."

Anon


Would he have had a better chance if he was a ninja or a Shaolin monk? The world needs to know.

But leave the pirates out of it.

Ian Ferguson


Forget the IT angle, what's the Paris Hilton angle? Enquiring minds need to know!

Kane


According to popular rumour, 90 degrees from the horizontal.

+/- for variation

miika


My grandfather worked for Hoover at the FBI. One of Hoover's policies was this: If you were a minute late from lunch, your vacation was docked accordingly. Therefore, when the FBI agents were paid on Fridays, they would skip lunch and run down to the local bank to deposit/cash their paycheck during lunch.

One day, my grandfather was at the bank doing the Friday check cashing routine with many of his coworkers. Unbelievably, a man stepped up to the window and pulled a gun on the teller. Needless to say, he didn't have a chance what with a lobby full of armed FBI agents.

Talk about not scouting out the premises beforehand.....

Anon

That might have come as a bit of a shock to the poor bloke, although it's bound to be nicer to be able to surrender before your kidneys get kicked through your ears.


In further idiot-attacks-martial-artist news, a German skinhead rather unwisely attempted to steal a packet of fags from a judo master. The victim, despite being blind, handily duffed up and restrained the ne'er-do-well until the police arrived.

But the question is how would a blind judo master do against a blind ninja? Or a blind Shaolin monk?

Adrian Jones


In the words of Austin Powers: "Judo ... CHOP!"

Mark Roome


How's he gonna make this sound cool in pokey?

"What're ya in for, mate?"

"Attempted robbery"

"Where'd ya get the bruises?"

"Got beat stupid by a blind man..."

laird cummings

He was beaten up by a judo master. He doesn't have to mention the blindness.


My old Jiu-Jitsu instructor got chased up a narrow blind alley by a national front march for shouting something inappropriate. By the time the police got to him he had broken several arms, legs and heads and was happily laying into the remaining skinheads with gay (literally) abandon.

The police arrested him and carted him off to the police station, but then were good enough to explain that it was only because they couldn't get a couple of hundred skinheads into two panda cars and let him of with a tsk, tsk, please don't do it again.

Andy


Some years ago a good and much older buddy of mine (seventy odd at the time) once found himself in a similar situation to Herr Esser. Before anyone else had managed to register that a hazardous situation was about to occur, the tables were turned. The skinhead vermin concerned found himself swiftly subdued by my old drinking buddy (who just happened to have been a royal marine commando who survived things like the Naarvik campaign), who proceeded to offer him (held in a neck lock) around the boozer for "free digs" (no takers - fortunately for all concerned), before the attempted yob was given a good old fashioned kick up the backside and left sprawling outside the pub. The story passed into pub legend, and my bootnecked buddy went peacefully into the afterlife some years later.

Don't you just love it when the good guys come out on top.

Anon


I referred this to my former-judo champion now wheelchair bound father who informed me that in his day the 80something head of the British Judo Council was set upon by four thugs who learned to regret their decision.

Some things don't change.

Mycho

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