Feeds

BOFH: Building changes

Gotta watch those professionals...

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

3 Big data security analytics techniques

Episode 31

"Just before you go," the Boss cries, waving some building plans at me as I'm ducking out to lunch. "Can you just take a look at this?"

"What is it?"

"We're just looking at making a few small alterations on the third floor," he responds. "And I'd like to get your thoughts on them."

"Didn't we make some 'small' alterations to the third floor six months ago? 'Small' in that case meaning a complete revision of the floor plan, with new offices, aircon and cabling throughout."

"Yes, we apparently did do a few more changes than originally planned back then – scope creep I think they said – but the changes they're proposing now are are just a bit of fine tuning to come up with the ultimate configuration for both staff comfort and work process."

"So we changed from open plan to offices and now we're...?"

"It's a combination of open plan and offices. A hybrid model if you like."

"They're going to move all the walls again, aren't they?" I sigh.

"No, no, nothing as drastic as that," the Boss says, laying down the plans. "We'll keep all these walls here, those over here and of course those."

"Right, so with the exception of the external walls and the load-bearing internal walls, all the other walls go?"

"I... uhhhhhmm, yes, it would appear so."

"So we're only keeping the concrete?"

"Yes."

"The stuff without cavities for faceplates?"

"What's your point?"

"My point is that all the wiring has to be done again – all the comms, all the power."

"It's underfloor, surely!"

"It used to be underfloor looms, sure. Then, when they did the renovations they decided that the floor plates looked ugly and that they caused problems for wheely chairs, so they had to go."

"But the cable looms must still exist?"

"You'd think so wouldn't you? But then one of the CEO's architect mates said that everyone was using solid wood floors for natural heat retention or something so they replaced the integrated tiling with wood, built permanent walls – for their improved sound proofing – and fed all the cabling from the ceiling space into the new walls."

"But surely that would be..."

"Madness?" I suggest.

"No..."

"Hideously expensive?"

"No..."

"The least intelligent method of partitioning offices in a dynamic environment?"

"I.... don't know what to say."

"I do," I say. "We told them so. We told them that on average we 'renovate' about a floor a year in this place – more if there's been a change of head man or head man's PA – and that putting permanent floors and walls in would be a mistake and would cost us a fortune in comms reinstallation."

"Ah well I have some good news there," the Boss smiles. "They said we can reuse our old stuff."

"What, you mean they'll let us reuse the cable that some chippy's yanked out of the wall, tied up in a ball and taped to a ceiling member then untaped, unwound and stuffed back into a wall in another location?"

"I... Well you see the architect hasn't allowed any money for new cables in the renovation budget," the Boss says, scanning over the document.

"Are you sure?" I ask, grabbing the document off him. "Hang on – IT'S THE SAME GUY!"

"What?"

"It's the same guy who recommended solid walls and floors who's behind this and the cabling reuse. I'll kill him!"

"I think we should be reasonable about this."

"REASONABLE?!" I gasp. "If we do this we'll spend the next six months identifying cable faults and organising cable replacements out of my maintenance money!!!"

"But isn't network cable supposed to have a 20 year lifetime?"

"IN THE BLOODY WALL!" I snap. "Your bloody LADA will last 20 years if you leave it in a garage, it's only when you play with it that it stops bloody working!"

"I think you're being a little overdramatic – these builders are professionals."

"Yes, you're probably right," I say. "They're really IT wizards attracted to the building industry by the opportunities of wearing tight shorts and flashing butt cleavage. So when are they proposing to start this work?"

"I.... They started this morning!" the Boss says.

"And we only heard about this today!?"

"Well I might have heard about it a week or two ago..."

"So that dull thumping noise I can hear above me isn't the sound of my assistant encouraging someone to fill in a survey form correctly?"

"That would be the builders," the Boss says.

"Let's take a quick look, shall we?"

...minutes later...

"Well this all looks OK," the Boss says. "The cable's all wound up nicely."

"The electrical cable is, yes," I say.

"What about the data cable then?" the Boss asks, unable to identify the aforementioned.

"It's the thin grey cable," I say. "The stuff they're using to tie the electrical cable together with. Oh, and hold those ceiling lights on with. And to steady that ladder."

"Ah, I..."

"And that bloke over there is using some as a belt and some more of it to run remote speakers off his boom box. But I'm sure he'll join it all back up with strip connectors when he's done."

"I..."

"Oh and look. There's the architect!" I say.

"Now let's not do anything hasty," the Boss burbles.

>KZEERRRRT!< >KZEERT!<

. . .The next day. . .

"And you're sure this room is to stay?" the builder asks me.

"Positive," I say. "I had a chat to my Boss and the architect and we agreed that it should remain here forever."

"But there's no doors!"

"Don't need them, it's going to be a duct."

"But... wasn't there a door there yesterday?"

"There was, but the architect and the Boss popped in last night and had someone put a panel in. The extra soundproofing it provides is priceless," I add.

"Yes, it's good stuff," the builder says. "And you know what they say?"

"In space no one can hear you scream? Or in a duct for that matter."

"What? No, they say no one regrets buying quality."

"So true. And speaking of quality, about that total cabling refit..."

SANS - Survey on application security programs

More from The Register

next story
This time it's 'Personal': new Office 365 sub covers just two devices
Redmond also brings Office into Google's back yard
Dropbox defends fantastically badly timed Condoleezza Rice appointment
'Nothing is going to change with Dr. Rice's appointment,' file sharer promises
Bored with trading oil and gold? Why not flog some CLOUD servers?
Chicago Mercantile Exchange plans cloud spot exchange
Just what could be inside Dropbox's new 'Home For Life'?
Biz apps, messaging, photos, email, more storage – sorry, did you think there would be cake?
IT bods: How long does it take YOU to train up on new tech?
I'll leave my arrays to do the hard work, if you don't mind
Amazon reveals its Google-killing 'R3' server instances
A mega-memory instance that never forgets
Cisco reps flog Whiptail's Invicta arrays against EMC and Pure
Storage reseller report reveals who's selling what
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a defence for mobile apps
In this whitepaper learn the various considerations for defending mobile applications; from the mobile application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies needed to properly assess mobile applications risk.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.