Fancy an invisible dog that dances on stilts?
eBay can oblige, and then some
We're very much obliged to reader Euan Webster for alerting us to the possibility of being rendered completely invisible, while teaching our dog to walk and dance on stilts and while gaining "2 – 4 INCHES of intimate length" in the trouser department - and all for just $24.95:
Yup, it's a once-in-a-lifetime offer down at eBay , and no messing.
For your 25 bucks, you get not only the The Secret of Invisibility, but also Secrets of Sexual Seduction! and The Wizard's Book of Animal Secrets. The three will variously allow you to "vanish & reappear as you wish, wherever you may be!", "meet women on streets, dance clubs, everywhere!" and, rather splendidly, "command your cat to use the bathroom toilet".
Not convinced? Well, what about "2 cures for male baldness that really work", insights into "the quiet world of frogs & toads" and the handy ability to bring dead creatures "BACK TO LIFE!"?
Terrific. A word of warning, though: these powers should be used for "Moral purposes ONLY!", so you can forget sending a resurrected, invisible and stilt-dancing dog to take clandestine snaps of a butt-naked Vanessa Hudgens for later dissemination on the internet. You have been warned. ®