Feeds

US outfit whips out mp3 vibrator

64 megabytes of Ram - phwoooar!

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

NSFW Our female readers looking for an earth-moving experience are directed forthwith not to the San Andreas fault, but rather to the profoundly silly My Little Secret Talking Head mp3 vibrator - a "breakthrough in adult toys" that allows you to "download and listen to erotic audio fantasies or record your own for the ultimate in personalized pleasure".

The Talking Head mp2 vibratorGood heavens above. The Talking Head boasts: full-function silicone vibrator with interchangeable shafts; 64 megabytes of Ram with built-in USB port; built-in microphone for voice and sound recording; two pre-recorded audio fantasies; PC and Mac compatibility*; and headphones and USB cable.

Naturally, you're wondering just what "pre-recorded audio fantasies" involve. Look no further than the erotic audio playlist where Bergen the German Mountain Man deploys his doubtless well-filled lederhosen to scale hitherto unexplored climactic peaks.

Quite what Bergen is saying we know not ("Guten morgen fraulein, would you like to chew this fine fat bratwurst?" or thereabouts, we reckon), but he did provoke a certain amount of weakness at the knees among the Reg hackettes.

Well, we think it was Bergen's rugged tones that caused our sub Tracey to go and have a quick lie down in a darkened room, although it may have been the Talking Head's price tag - a cool $99.95 plus shipping. ®

Bootnote

*That's right - no open source support. Disappointing, but a recent survey by sexologists at the University of Banglaore revealed that 97 per cent of Linux Girlzzz can achieve orgasm simply by looking at a picture of Linus Torvalds while fondling their kernels - all without the assistance of Bergen the German.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.