Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/09/07/comments/
Toddler flexibility at risk as rock stars and goats die young
Just stick 'em in the giant pyramid
Comments: Toddlers have been banned from practicing yoga  in a Somerset church hall, because the activity is "unchristian" and promotes other spiritualities. The interesting image of toddlers doing yoga aside, at least one of you dove straight into the gutter:
Have you seen some of these yoga mums and the clothes they wear to do yoga in? Definitely not for kids but certainly MILF material.
Blah Blah Blah, obviously a fundamentalist etc.
Has it ever occurred to people that there is no 'Law given right' for someone to hire any hall for any purpose? If the hall is owned by the church it's up to the church to choose whether they want to rent it out and to whom.
All that aside, Kids Yoga? Are you having a laugh? Why the hell do kids need to do yoga? Damn hippies.
PraiseMoves: "The Christian ALTERNATIVE to Yoga"
No, really - it exists. :(
Actually young kids doing yoga isn't as daft as it sounds. It helps them learn to relax, calm down and concentrate. It also teaches them to be gentle and not use their full strength for everything. My friend's wee boy takes one of these classes and it's probably the only hour in the week when he's not running around at full speed like a Tazmanian devil.
My otherwise sane wife has the same problem with yoga... apparently you can't get to the higher levels of yoga without becoming buddist. Or Hindu. Or maybe rastafarian. One or other of them...
Apparently it's a kind of brainwashing where you start doing something fun and end up with religion. Comparisons to sunday school led to me sleeping on the sofa...
An 18-year-old burglar somewhat foolishly personalised his exploits by writing his own name  at the scene of his crime. The words "Peter Addison was here!" greeted surprised investigating officers, and this budding master criminal was swiftly cuffed. Cue a discussion of how best to punish the blighter:
In the words of Bugs Bunny, what a maroon.
Although, from an educational point of view, at least he was able to write his own name.
Just sometimes, I wish they'd bring back public humiliation as a form of punishment. Stick the fools in the stocks for people to laugh at. Anyone feel like starting a petition?
Just sentence them to a) clean up their mess and b) help redecorate the place.
Not only will the Centre benefit, they might actually learn a useful skill that they can use in the future instead of imposing a meaningless fine they they'll either pay back at £5 a week or just ignore.
so instead of a DNA database they just give everyone in the UK a black marker pen
the Jim bloke
Genuis. It was the perfect double bluff... it's a crime they got caught... best regards Sherlock Holmes...
A German consortium plans to build the world's largest pyramid  to house the bodies of their customers. For just €700, you will be interred in the structure, which will be "as monumental as it is affordable". Many of you wondered just how many dead punters it would hold (presumably you didn't want to miss out on a spot). John Latham came to the rescue:
According to my (very rough) calculations, that thing will take about 10 million stiffs.
Very efficient use of land, but perhaps not of building materials.
And I would have though there might still be some sensitivity towards mass graves in that part of the world.
Being able to choose a design/picture for the stone that marks my final resting place is all well and good, but I think the question that really needs answering is; will I be able to select from a range of interesting booby-traps such as falling boulders, trapdoors over a pit full of snakes and the perennial favourite - a slowly descending ceiling of spikes?
And what about curses - probably a premium service, but definitely a must for the full entombed-for-eternity-in-a-giant-mausoleum experience.
Bloody typical - I go to the pyramids in the morning, and every last one, the Germans have got up early and put their towels on them already...
They tried to bury people in unmarked graves in the last war, now they're simply stacking them in a damn great pyramid.
If your parents get buried there, don't you think it'll be a bit Oedipal being buried on top of (your) Mummy?
€700 for putting another block of stone on? Definitely a pyramid scheme!
This is all very nice, but unless it's a graveyard jenga or kerplunk I'm not interested.
Troubled by an electrical fault in one of their Boeing 757s, Nepal airlines sacrificed two goats  to the Hindu sky god Akash Bhairab. The wayward plane immediately behaved, firmly demonstrating the power of a quick caprine offering. Despite this compelling evidence, you were somewhat doubtful:
Surely another revenue stream for Ryanair; tick here for Goat Sacrifice; £3 or £5 if you pay at the airport.
I can only imagine a new service contract scheme for Nepal airways on a pay per sacrifice basis , they could even call it 'Pay as you Goat'
I wonder what was on the in-flight catering list that day?!!
Cream of goat soup, chèvre à l'orange and baked Alaska - with added goat spleen.
I knew my method of computer fixes would catch on.. I've sacrificed a number of chickens at a users desk while working in desktop support. Worked a treat and they've never asked for their computer to be fixed again. ;-).
I hope theyve got an emergancy goat on board for when the wings fall off cos they didnt actually repair them.
Breaking research indicates that rock stars have a tendency to die earlier than the rest of us, and that this may be down to excessive lifestyles and drug abuse. Researchers at Liverpool John Moores University detailed these staggering revelations  in a study of more than a thousand US and European artists, and added that stars needed to "promote positive health messages" and lead by example. You were not too receptive to the study's suggestions:
"Stars could do more to actively promote positive health messages, but these need to be backed up by example."
Presumably the best example that Keith Richards, Mark E Smith, Shaun Ryder and Shane McGowan could set is to immediately die. As long as they continue to live people will believe that a diet of cigarettes, alcohol, pork chops, fast living, more alcohol, different types of alcohol, snorting your father's ashes etc is perfectly acceptable.
I dare you to do a Google image search for "Shaun Ryder", and select "large" images. Almost the first shot you get is a huge close-up picture of his teeth (he has had some dental work done). It is the most horrible picture I have seen. It is the most horrible thing I can comprehend. If it was any more horrible, it would paradoxically not be horrible at all, because it would overwhelm my ability to experience horror.
You'd think I'd have learned not to ignore such warnings...
This seems to be the same garbage argument I saw a few years ago, albeit then without the veneer of respectability, obtained by association with a university (of sorts).
It says the European rock stars die at an average of 35 years old. Of course they don't. The figure of 35 is obtained by averaging the ages of all the stars who died young, and probably only includes those who died while still famous. It omits the very many stars who haven't died yet (most 70s rock stars are only 50-65 now and even the 60s ones aren't too ancient) and probably omits those who have died aged 40- or 50-something, but had faded into obscurity by then.
I rather suspect that rock stars do, on average, die younger than people in many other walks of life, and it would be a good idea if today's young stars cut down on the excess, but this "study" doesn't prove it. Junk "science", used for political purposes, yet again.
The Rolling Stones' ages have nothing to do with it, as presumably. they are not dead yet, and so would not form part of the figures.
You also need to keep in mind that one quarter of them is a member of the undead, and will never die.
"professor Mark Bellis, commented: "Public health consideration needs to be given to preventing music icons promoting health-damaging behaviour among their emulators and fans. Stars could do more to actively promote positive health messages, but these need to be backed up by example.""
Piss off back to your ivory tower Mark. We don't want our rock stars to become as boring as university professors. Rock stars are supposed to be like Lemmy who still drinks JD in a pint glass.
Doesn't have to be a rock star, take almost anyone, give them a huge wedge of cash and fame and then sit back and watch what happens...
1) Fast cars... Splat
2) Drugs & Alcohol... Insert huge list here
Then of course, if you manage to survive the drugs and fast cars, you will of course have collected a throng of groupies*, who, being the famous person that you are, you'll bonk left right and centre... And invariably you'll catch something, and given the amount of bonking you've done, it'll probably be a really nasty fatal one.
The fact that Cliff Richard avoids all the above, and it still alive at 762 really proves it all. QED, where's my degree?
* Personally I believe the collective noun for groupies should be a thong.
Bah, they should do a study on the effects of alcoholism and general over-indulgence on the life expectancies of journalists if they really want a shock. Though they might have difficulty finding a control group. Where do you get a sufficient number of people who are journalists but don't give themselves over to hedonism and excess? We'll ponder that one at the bar. Good weekends, all. ®