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Irish firm seeks Trainee Assistant Banana Ripener

'A good knowledge of Excel' a must, naturally

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The Irish readers among you pondering a radical change of career could do worse than consider this vacancy down at Dublin-based Global Fruit Co. Ltd, which is currently a bit short-handed in its banana-ripening department:

Trainee Assistant Banana Ripener

Global Fruit Co. Ltd is the sole authorised distributor for Del Monte fresh produce in Ireland and is currently seeking an individual to join us as Trainee / Assistant Banana Ripener. In this role you will be responsible for the ripening of bananas, stock control, customer continuity as well as the supervision of intake staff and forklift drivers. The successful candidate will be computer literate with a good knowledge of Excel. You will also possess good numerical skills and excellent organisational abilities. As this is a unique role, previous experience is not necessary, but you must be dedicated, committed and willing to learn. Full training will be provided. Experience in the fruit business an advantage.

Well, when we were alerted to this-once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to break into the banana-ripening trade, we thought someone was having a laugh. However, a quick peruse of Global Fruit's website revealed that it does indeed ripen bananas, and that its "banana ripening managers have been fully trained and have over 40 years experience in ripening bananas".

Splendid. We now have an explanation for that well-known Dublin phrase which hitherto had no plausible provenance:

Pub landlord: Hello, mate. How was the match on Saturday?
Mick Micheál: Bloody awful - a bit like watching bananas ripen. ®

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