AK-wielding geckos levitate in from the Tower of Doom
We're all too busy smirting to stop them
Comments Another week goes by and there are more lizards, more weapons, more examples of verbal silliness and, of course, more comments. Note: some comments are attributed to "Anon". This is shorthand and stands for "The Anointed One"; he who is all-knowing, all-reading and on-all-commenting.
Desperate for something to do with themselves, Orange's marketing department has created a new word. 'Smexting' is apparently what you're doing if you text someone while you're out having a fag. Tirades against hideous neologisms are familiar here, so this one could reasonably be expected to get you good and riled. You didn't disappoint:
I know these people. Well, not personally, but I know the kind of person that comes up with these ridiculous neologisms. Anyone who has worked in the commercial IT sector (or any of its offshoots) will have met them. They're the kind of people who try to "proactively leverage synergies", who are obsessed with "getting our ducks in a row" and who will, with nary a by-your-leave, speak of "mobes" and "lappies" (yes, those).
OK, so I know that languages are organic things that grow and evolve over time, but there are some new words and phrases that really do deserve to become the linguistic equivalent of the weird and short-lived critters that appeared around the time of the Cambrian explosion. In fact, "smexting" (and its ilk) is probably even more maladapted than Hallucigenia at al and should, therefore, retire to a quiet corner and die immediately.
Reminds me of those ludicrous Nissan Micra adverts which were based on hideous constructions like "spafe" (which Sigmund Freud - for which I have never forgiven him - informed us meant "spontaneous yet safe," though he failed to explain what could possibly be spontaneous about a car, let alone a Micra).
I hereby coin my own word for these things: "portwankeau."
Other posters were quick to point out that it was in fact Clement Freud who provided the necessary learned-sounding voice, rather than Sigmund, who would presumably have preferred to emphasise the car's sleek curves and powerful, thrusting engine. Oh my...
"I think you mean Clement Freud"
It was a Freudian slip.
Anon (One and the same)
Obvious what you should call this kind of new coinage (and in truth pretty much anything that emanates from Orange's marketing folk), a 'fuckwitticism'
'Smugging' tends to happen a lot in Birmingham
"Yo safe mate - got a spare cigarette?"
"No - I don't smoke"
"Give me your wallet" (occasionally accompanied by a punch in the face)
Does that also mean that the act of sending SMS whilst 'on the throne' is called 'shexting'?
I think that's called 'disgusting'.
Perhaps to atone for their disgraceful attempt to corrupt our fair language, Orange has given in to cancer-fearing occupants of a Bristol tower block - known locally as the 'Tower of Doom' - and removed their base station from its top. Residents can now sleep soundly as their phones charge and their microwaves idle, but you were scathing as always:
Is it possible that the 'high' incidence of cancer amongst the elderly is somehow due to the fact that they are, in fact, elderly and therefore their cellular repair mechanisms are getting a little worn out?
Most of the energy from a mobile mast is radiated outwards, not downwards. So if you want to dodge all those "harmful" mobile 'phone signals, being right under the antennae is not a bad place to be.
Personally I'd turn off all the masts in the area for a year and see how the locals like having no mobile service. I bet within 6 months there's be petitions asking for new masts to be erected and the cancer rate would neither increase or decrease.
OK, so building has mobile phone mast and some people get cancer. By that logic and reasoning I would ban them all from having cats.....
Well, cats have been known to act as harbingers of doom. You never know.
The youngest person to get cancer was 63 (according to the Daily Mail, that bastion of truth and level headedness). The oldest was 89. I'd love to see what the other people died of. Radiation induced old age? Radiation induced heart attack? Radiation pushed them down the stairs?