Gmail: a short, sharp rant

Not evil, just arrogant

By Guy Kewney, NewsWireless.Net • Get more from this author

Posted in Software, 26th July 2007 13:36 GMT

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That's what you'd get with most IT companies. Not with Google. Here's what actually happens:

I ring the Google press office.
I try to get this message across to the superior young lady with the cut-glass accent.
She tells me she is "busy right now" but could I send an email with the questions?
I say: "That's OK, I just want a quick word with someone who can say they're fixing it."
She tells me she can't do that, and insists on the email, so I send it, complete with a summary of what happens, and why it's a problem.
She calls me back, and says: It's not a problem."

What she gives me is, simply, excuses, excuses. "There's a message when you log in" she says. Yes, I know; but if you have POP3, you don't see it. "Yes, but there's a message at the bottom of the page." Yes, I know, but if you don't use the web interface, you don't see it. "But the limit is there, obviously." Well, it's obvious if you see it but if you have POP3, you won't see it, will you?

"I'll refer it to the team," she says, waiting for me to hang up.

Now, if anybody at Google tells you that they'll forward it to the team, what they mean is "Go away, you silly little unimportant person." I've been there before.

For example, there was the time when I wrote a thumping good story for my own website (NewsWireless), a story which didn't show up on Google's news pages. Why not? I asked a friend, who said: "Did you register?"

So I went to the Google pages and filled in all the forms to register my site. And six months later, I wrote another thumpingly good story and... it still didn't show up.

So I followed up, sending email to the "contact us" page on the Google site, and getting a "Thanks for your suggestion! It will be considered with all the other lame ideas users send in..." or words to that affect. And so I replied, and after getting three robot replies, I finally got a note from a human being, who works at Google.

It said: "Your site isn't listed, because we don't list blogs."

NewsWireless isn't a blog. Occasionally, the site prints blog entries, but it's a news site with a couple of dozen regular contributors. I pointed this out, and sent them a list of contributors - and, finally, the paperwork went through. But if I had just accepted the first (and second and third) patronising assurance that "your suggestion will be considered!" I'd still be a blog.

And if I don't publish this piece, the Gmail "team" will never get to hear about the POP3 problem.

And so then I asked to talk to someone who could give me a quote.

"We can't put up someone for interview for every little thing!" the young lady told me coolly. "But you can send an email to the press office, and one of my colleagues will take it up, tomorrow. I'm not here tomorrow."

Don't be Evil. No, of course not... but it's not actually evil to look down on the little people. Just ignore them. They'll quickly learn their place in the pecking order... that's right, Larry Page? That's what you meant, Sergey Brin? ®

*well, as long as there's been a Gmail, I've been one, OK?