A decidedly non-nymphomaniacal (well, we assume) mum has been deluged with calls for 'the young nympho' ever since she transferred from BT to Virgin Media and received a new phone number as part of the package. It seems these sorts of mix-ups aren't unheard of:

A few years ago i kept getting wrong numbers to the same person on my landline. Then this guy phoned up and demanded to know who the hell i was and what was i doing answering his wife's mobile, he was convinced something was going on between me and his wife. It ended up with this person ringing my phone all evening when i couldn't convince him (And was forced to put the phone down on him to escape his yelling at me) there was obviously a fault on the line. I did get a final phone call from him (A few days later) saying that he had now proved there was a fault and we had a good chuckle about it.

Simon

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All premium rate numbers are generally forwarded to other, normal numbers (hence "Say no to 0870")

Perhaps a mixup means that a premium rate number has been forwarded to her number. If, instead of talking dirty, she asked what number they had dialled, she would probably find it was not hers.

Leo Rampen

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Doubtless the engineer will turn up complete with thick Dutch accent and dodgy moustache to 'tweak her settings'.

Mike Richards

But how will she pay him? Her husband has taken all the money in the house with him to work...

Something similar happened to my sister. BT gave her a number that previously belonged to an 'escort' who advertised in the back of the Daily Sport, and for a while received 10-20 calls a day from horny punters. When I pointed out she had inherited a ready made business, she just shouted & threw things.

Gilbert Wham

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When I changed phone numbers a few years back someone kept leaving answer phone messages requesting I come and pick up a delivery of babies foreskins as they where running out of space!

Not wanting to cause any problems I spent ages trying to figure out what they could be use for, in the end pickling them or making a curry seemed like the best idea. Unfortunately they never phoned when I was at home so I was unable to offer my helpful solution to their foreskin storage problems.

Anon

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A German bus driver, unaccountably more interested in a passenger's jubs than the road, stopped the vehicle and demanded that she move so that he could concentrate. A lively discussion of such hazards ensued, but not before some humourless bugger moaned about the lack of an IT angle - oh wait, he was having us on:

In before

"where's the IT angle?" and

"I used to respect the register it used to be a respectable site!"

Matt

Nicely done Matt. A few red faces were triggered.

With a glint in my eye and deep sense of anticipation I went to check out the life threatening hooters only to be disappointed with a face shot of the lovely lady with not a breast in sight. Thanks for nothing, Reg...

Mind you, there was a nice pair on the advert for the German eBay site, though. All's well that end's well.

Richard

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Pfft. I've been distracted by bigger.

The bus driver needs to learn how to polish the one-eyed gopher and drive a bus at the same time. Problemo solved.

Mike Campbell

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I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting, never mind move her out of view.... silly bus driver... there are worse reasons to crash! :)

Anon

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Be aware that objects in the mirror will actaully be bigger than they may appear.

Anon

And with that, we adjourn to the local watering house, to debate the distractive value of various body parts and the potential pitfalls that result. Business as usual. ®

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