Feeds

What's al-Qaeda's take on the iPhone?

Resolute silence on the paradigm-redefining device

High performance access to file storage

In-depth analysis In a fortnight during which just about everyone on the planet, excluding naturally those in a coma or temporarily indisposed up some tributary of the Amazon, has offered their two bits' worth on the launch of Apple's iPhone, it comes as a bit of a surprise that al-Qaeda has dismally failed to contribute to the brouhaha.

We should add that Afghanistan's fun-loving Taliban have also maintained a resolute silence on the matter, but since they're violently opposed to absolutely everything, except hanging people from construction cranes and blowing up giant Buddhas, it can be taken as read that they consider the device an insult to Islam.

Quite how Ozzie bin Laden views the paradigm-redefining iPhone remains, therefore, a mystery. It's possible his organisation has been too busy working itself into a tizz over the Salman Rushdie knighthood announcement to consider the matter, but we're certain al-Qaeda has enough righteous indignation to throw two simultaneous strops.

So, the options are as follows: al-Qaeda is so angry about the iPhone's inflated pricetag, lack of user-changeable battery and 3G capability that it is planning something really big; or Ozzie's sidekick Ayman al-Zawahir has been stunned into reluctant admiration by Apple's audacious UI and crisp-as-a-Baghdad-winter-morning MP3 playback.

Of course, we all hope it's the latter. Since Ayman al-Zawahir is known to be a big Kylie Minogue and Death Metal fan, he'll doubtless find the seamless iPhone-iTunes interface a real boon in downloading I should be so lucky and Cradle of Filth's Loathsome Fucking Christ while planning exactly how to make the UK pay for honouring the author of The Satanic Verses.

If it's the former, then may God have sweet mercy on us all. The idea of a cellphone-provoked jihad in which kamikaze al-Qaeda operatives rain fiery death and apocalypse on the western world by crashing 4x4s packed with gas cannisters and Sony laptop batteries into airport terminal buildings is too chilling for the civilised mind to contemplate. ®

Jefferson Alberry II is a Second Life consultant and Web 2.0 leverage advisor. His previous work includes vital intelligence gathering on the CIA's Saddam Hussein WMD™©® capability report and several articles for Cnet on insurgency-busting robotic armadillos.

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Seagate brings out 6TB HDD, did not need NO STEENKIN' SHINGLES
Or helium filling either, according to reports
European Court of Justice rips up Data Retention Directive
Rules 'interfering' measure to be 'invalid'
Dropbox defends fantastically badly timed Condoleezza Rice appointment
'Nothing is going to change with Dr. Rice's appointment,' file sharer promises
Cisco reps flog Whiptail's Invicta arrays against EMC and Pure
Storage reseller report reveals who's selling what
Just what could be inside Dropbox's new 'Home For Life'?
Biz apps, messaging, photos, email, more storage – sorry, did you think there would be cake?
IT bods: How long does it take YOU to train up on new tech?
I'll leave my arrays to do the hard work, if you don't mind
Amazon reveals its Google-killing 'R3' server instances
A mega-memory instance that never forgets
USA opposes 'Schengen cloud' Eurocentric routing plan
All routes should transit America, apparently
prev story

Whitepapers

Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.