Feeds

Website honours battling Glasgow baggage handler

Buy a pint for 'BAA's answer to Jack Bauer'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

A website set up to honour battling Glaswegian baggage handler John Smeaton, who magnificently waded in to prevent al-Qaeda's comedy kamikaze division raining fiery apocalypse upon the UK's airport infrastructure, has succeeded in getting grateful netizens to stick 480 pints behind the bar of the Glasgow Airport Holiday Inn for his drinking pleasure.

The blurb explains:

As thousands of Glaswegians queued, moaned and sneakily sipped Buckfast on a rainy Saturday afternoon, one man stood vigilant outside the airport terminal. Baggage supervisor, hero, smoker. John Smeaton.

Little did he know, as he happily dragged on his fag, that two crazed al-Qaeda operatives were preparing to meet their maker. But they didn't meet their maker. Instead they met BAA's answer to Jack Bauer.

As the Jeep's engine revved and the passenger started chucking the petrol containers out the windows like he was Santa in Shettleston, one man stepped in to help The Law take control...

Good stuff. The ultimate aim of the site is to provide Smeaton with a fighting reserve of 1,000 pints - roughly enough to keep our man fuelled for 50 days, if this hack's experiences of Glasgow are anything to go by. Those wishing to chip in three quid to reward the "Smeatonator" can do so here. Cheers. ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.