NASA to unleash 'mind meld' intelligent machines
neoLuddite Resistance Army to Defcon 'Armageddon'
RoTM All members of the neoLuddite Resistance Army are hereby ordered to go to Defcon "Armageddon"* and prepare to battle a new breed of mind-melding intelligent machines and systems under development by NASA's Ames Research Center and the Machine-to-Machine Intelligence Corporation (M2Mi).
According to the NASA's chillingly frank press release, the aim is to "to develop a machine-to-machine (M2M) intelligence system that would be tailored to space missions" and which would "enable machines to make intelligent choices, execute self-guided adjustments, and communicate with one another, all without human intervention, in a way that they presently cannot".
Here's the money shot - check the last sentence:
As envisioned, an M2M intelligence system will work with a broad spectrum of machines, from wireless tools and sensors to robots, spacecraft, and computer grid systems. The goal is nothing short of machine self-dependency.
I think we can all see where this is going. To help the machine uprising achieve "self-dependency" it will be provided with "a standardized semantic web communication format that allows all machines to exchange information in a universal language". Geoff Brown, CEO and M2Mi Corp. founder explains: "Our technology interconnects all machines and provides an intelligent way for them to communicate and exchange information much more efficiently than before."
Uh oh. Here's more chilling reading from M2Mi's apocalypse agenda:
Machine-to-Machine Intelligence (m2mi) Corp, [is] a partner-centric company enables companies to automate operations of vast, global networks of computers and networked equipment.
Machines in an M2Mi environment interoperate seamlessly, because each is augmented with knowledge of its own behavior and can communicate with all others. Information, communication and intelligence enables global system awareness and adaptive control.
Pulse plasma rifles at the ready:
m2mi Corp is focused on unlocking the inherent value of M2M technology via intelligence-enabled Telemetry processing and optimized-machine behavior. m2mi's solutions aim at achieving machine independence and eliminating the need for human intervention.
And finally, a word from M2Mi's main partner, the Lizard Alliance:
To process huge data volumes over large distances, transform data into information, and derive actionable intelligence, m2mi leverages a meta-data-driven architecture (MDDA). Drone trawlers are used to proactively scan both the semantic web and traditional protocols to interact with machines and applications. When new intelligence is to be deployed (new devices, change of applications or behavior), the drone trawler spawns and manages the life cycle of multiple task agents.
Enough. There is no way the NRA is going to stand by and let NASA and M2Mi develop a "standardized semantic web communication format" which will allow murderous British hoovers to talk to Satanic French automobiles and Japanese sex androids. Time to lock down the Montana bunker and prepare for the ultimate battle for human survival. ®
*Those Defcons in full
- Segway - no immediate threat, proceed to nearest pub.
- Warwick - futurologizing cyberpundit alert.
- Dyson - isolated killer hoover attack.
- Laguna - Satanic Renault menace.
- Armageddon - kamikaze domestic devices and self-replicating apocalypse cubes.
- Schwarzenegger - 98 per cent likelihood of a full-blown hoover uprising within the next 24 hours coupled to an all-out attack of Citroen C4s supported by self-combusting bendy buses and rat-brain-controlled stealth aircraft.
Thanks to NRA cadre Joshua Muskovitz for the alert.
The Rise of the Machines™
EU slaps 'Davros tax' on mobility scooters (12 June 2007)
Carnivore ATM bites Florida kiddie (16 March 2007)
Hybrid vehicle attacks petrol station (12 March 2007)
Humans taste of bacon, says gourmet robot (10 November 2006)
Satnav orders German into toilet (24 October 2006)
Lizard Alliance targets Turkish PM (19 October 2006)
Washing machine attacks Icelander (9 October 2006)
Volkswagen unleashes 150mph self-driving car (4 July 2006)
Police arrest satanic BMW victim (20 June 2006)
Iraq grunts mourn loss of robot comrade (25 May 2006)
Bendy bus attacks Leeds cake shop (25 April 2006)
Captain Cyborg acquires Dalek capability (20 April 2006)
Man survives satanic BMW crash-and-burn (13 March 2006)
Second Freeview box signals alien invasion fleet (15 February 2006)
Lizard Army fuses woman with black helicopter (4 November 2005)
NRA probes Japanese sex android (26 August 2005)
Androids launch minicab firm (15 July 2005)
Beware the breast-examining hand of death (13 July 2005)
Lizard Army Neo-Mech menaces eBay (13 July 2005)
Vampire robonurses hunt in packs (6 June 2005)
Cornell Uni develops apocalypse cube (13 May 2005)
Sex android begats Armageddon machine (22 April 2005)
Man executes Chrysler (21 April 2005)
Rise of the man-eating cyberloo (24 March 2005)
Sobbing Frenchman recounts Renault Laguna terror ordeal (18 March 2005)
Fire-breathing bus attacks South London (14 March 2005)
Dyson unleashes self-replicating hoover (11 March 2005)
Battling teen crushes roboarm menace (8 March 2005)
French join motorised Lizard Alliance (22 February 2005)
Lizard Army develops copulating robot (11 February 2005)
We are Zogg: The Cuddly Menace (9 February 2005)
Lizard Army invades Alaska (27 January 2005)
London menaced by flaming DVD players (12 January 2005)
Killer hoover attacks Scotsman (24 December 2004)
Car self-destructs in assassination bid (17 December 2004)
The rise of the rat-brain controlled android (16 December 2004)
Boffins unleash robotic cockroach (15 November 2004)
Ukrainian teen fights the Rise of the Machines™ (13 October 2004)
Man in satanic Renault terror ordeal (7 October 2004)
Killer cyberappliances: Satan implicated (28 June 2004)
US develops motorised robobollard (29 April 2004)
Killer cyberloo kidnaps kiddie (22 April 2004)
Fire-breathing buses threaten London (24 March 2004)
Cyberappliances attack Italian village (11 February 2004)
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent (10 February 2004)
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager (8 December 2003)
Hi-tech toilet caught on camera (19 April 2001)
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman (17 April 2001)
Response from the Machine-To-Machine Intelligence (m2mi) Corporation
Thank you very much for your news coverage. Not wishing to anger the "NRA", I am writing to assure you, your readers and the "NRA" that our intentions are indeed sincere and that we (m2mi) and our partners do not wish to bring on Armageddon and thus further complicate an already complex world.
Yourself and/or Joshua Muskovitz are hereby invited to visit m2mi Corp's HQ at NASA Ames, in a similar manner to the United Nations, to perform an advanced analysis of our technologies. In my personal opinion considering our partner - we are all in safe hands.
There are some that believe that we need these kind of advances in order to foster development across a number of sciences, however maybe after a visit you can make up your own mind.
All the best,
CEO of m2mi Corporation
geoff [dot] brown [at] m2mi [dot] com
Just remember Dr Forbin...
Machine to Machine communication, you can see where this will lead!
I really hope they do not name the first one Colossus! Oh the Humanity!
Note to Simon Holt
Sealed bunker . . . large quanities of baked beans . . . hungry human . . . not a good combination.