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Perfumier concocts Paris Hilton chokey scent

Limited edition fragrance 'distilled in toilets'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

An online perfumier has fragrantly decided to offer a limited edition scent to celebrate Paris Hilton's all-too-brief spell in chokey.

Black Phoenix describes its "Pruno" thus: "Jailhouse hooch. Distilled in toilets, this vintage is comprised of chow line droppings, including oranges, apples, ketchup, and sugar."

Discerning females might like to complement Pruno with a whiff of "Privilege":

Polished party-girl sleaze. This is a shameless scent, devoid of caution, regret, or introspection. This perfume reeks of tabloid glamour, and has no substance whatsoever. Armoise, tuberose, white citrus, rose absolute, oakmoss, tiare, tuberose, vanilla, linden, and lemon tree blossom.

Although this scent originated with fine plants and the pure essences, the final result is a grotesque, eerily empty caricature of a debauched, narcissistic would-be debutante.

Both Pruno and Privilege go out at $17.50 for a 5ml bottle. Black Phoenix says it will donate "a portion" of all sales to Southern California women's shelters.

Paris Hilton, meanwhile, has sadly not yet suffered the usual indignities of incarceration down in Century Regional Detention Centre. The word on the street is that she's "doing well" in the prison's celeb block, having successfully avoided the attentions of the obligatory predatory bull dyke lags who are undoubtedly looking to donate a sizeable portion to the highly-talented heiress. ®

Bootnotes

Regular correspondent Mike Richards asks us to thank his friend Stephanie "who found the link". Done.

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