Killer Wi-Fi panics London's chattering classes
Naturopaths mobilise to combat wireless death rays
Recent revelations that Wi-Fi may provoke spontaneous abortions in cattle, raise storms and tempests, curdle milk and fry children's brains have had the desired effect among London's chattering classes, with panicked parents mobilising to contain the wireless menace.
According to The Independent, London-based Scooter Computer's call-out service has recently received "hundreds" of calls from concerned users in the wake of a chilling Panorama special last month which highlighted the possible risks of going wires-free.
The company's Will Foot explained: "I have never seen such a reaction. It's completely out of the blue. More than 50 per cent of enquiries were from people worried about Wi-Fi access."
Foot said Scooter Computer had already sent in tinfoil-clad suppression units to remove 25 systems, amid a flurry of Wi-Fi-busting vigilante action.
Nicola Hart, of north London's Dartmouth Park, was apparently "so concerned about the radiation emitted from the systems that she removed Wi-Fi from her home, and persuaded her neighbours and her daughter's school to do the same".
She claimed to have suffered "a lot of funny symptoms" at the hands of Wi-Fi, which she put down to "an early menopause". She explained: "We put the system in about four months ago because my 17-year-old son wanted to have access to the internet at the same time as us. I did not really think about any effects it might have."
Once the Wi-Fi was shown the door, Hart "began sleeping and feeling better", and this prompted her to persuade her six-year-old daughter's school in leafy Belsize Park to can its system. She noted: "A lot of the parents were very pleased, and a lot of my friends are very keen to have it taken out of their children's schools."
Sinead Griffiths, a researcher from Walthamstow, likewise binned Wi-Fi, mainly "to protect her children", although she admitted to suffering "headaches and lethargy". She said: "There is not enough information available on the subject. I don't want to take any risks. You just don't know what all this technology in the home is doing to us."
And to reinforce just how Wi-Fi might upset your ying-yang balance and provoke inauspicious feng shui, "The Independent's Green Goddess columnist Julia Stephenson reported last week that she too had disconnected her Wi-Fi, on the advice of her naturopath". ®
Thanks to Arthur Pewtey for the heads-up.
Sponsored: DevOps and continuous delivery