Feeds

Dominatrix steals 'Sex Hacks' show with live demo

Taking the innuendo out of back-end IT

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

NNNNSFW San Francisco - birthplace of the gangbuster "startup" culture - also breeds alternative sexual communities and practices. Where better to host a small symposium on Sex Hacks? (And where better to encounter loyal Register fans crawling out of the woodwork to introduce themselves?).

The Center for Sex and Culture, a modest library-like room furnished with pews, this week hosted four presentations, which were so disconnected from "normal" sex as to veer from comical to creepy. But most were entertaining, if only accidentally.

Platform shoe, or shoe platform?

The creators of The Aphrodite Project make a big shoe for prostitutes, loaded with gadgetry. But they can't decide if their high-tech footwear is meant for self-protection, self-promotion, or sheer beauty. Which may be why it doesn't seem to do any of those things. The oversized, over-kitted shoes are, however, a brilliant self-parody.

The project website says it best: It is a "sexologically hacked shoe for sex workers," or perhaps "Social sculpture: an interactive, wearable device that is a conceptual homage to the cult of Aphrodite." That's "conceptual," as opposed to "practical."

In real life, what actual streetwalker would wear a huge shoe containing a semi-functional GPS tracker, a high-decibel alarm, and an endless-loop video player - the screen visible at sidewalk-height - which she might program with self-promotional, er, footage?

Only the most diligent and talented hookers would even have the opportunity to sport this weirdly "wearable computing," since all the shoes will be DIY: between turning tricks, she must buy all the electronic kit, construct her own magnetic-latched doors, mold her own plastic support structure, and cover it with fabric herself. Oh, and she has to wait for the instructions to be published in Make magazine this fall. Any working girl who could build this could probably earn more as an engineer.

Shot of the sex's workers shoe with lots of buttons

Gnudity

Say, as an engineer like green-haired Kyle Machulis of SlashDong.org, an inveterate sex-toy tinkerer who promises to open-source as many sex-toy interfaces as he can get his hands on.

He is a funny, frenetic talker, with lots of soundbites for an ubergeek audience("computer-sex interfaces are like fucking your printer driver"). He has lots of eager ideas on the mechanics and electronics of genital stimulation.

How many ways can one drive an off-the-shelf vibrator? With voices and music separated by bass and treble? With graphical icons representing whole rhythm-patterns sculpted for optimum effect? With the "rumble" outputs from game controllers, or HTTP queries from virtual Second Life paramours?

Machulis also works with "electro-stim" (mild electrocution), and with plain-old-mechanical back-and-forth stroking machines, but prefers vibrators because they're non-threatening, cheap, and easy to inject his precious signals into.

His is a typical geek pleasure; he waxes lyrical not about the nuance of teasing a clitoris, nor the yumminess of orgasm, but about the elegance of Fourier-modulated amplitudes, the coolness of using 2.5mm jacks as a standard interface, the patent-bashing benefits of Open Source. "I don't think even five people have actually built the toys I describe... I write about them mostly to get people interested in robotics and to educate them." True passion.

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
ePassport to Transnistria: NEXTIFYING the Nation State with BONG
Hey the Man, you can't geoblock distributed democracy
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Trolls have DARK TETRAD of personality defects, say trickcyclists
Think psychopathy and BDSM dungeons, not desktops
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.