US in The Long Good Friday remake outrage

Harold Shand must be spinning in his grave: Handmade Films has announced that 1980 UK gangster classic The Long Good Friday will be "refreshed" under the guiding hand of Resident Evil celluloid-botherer Paul W S Anderson.

According to the BBC, this diabolical liberty is slated to start shooting in 2008 in - wait for it - Miami.

Handmade chairman Patrick Meehan explained: "The original was a highly praised classic and one of Handmade's most prized films, but its reach was limited primarily to the UK*. Following continued interest from the US, we realised this remake could attract audiences worldwide with an updated setting and contemporary overtones.

"When Paul presented his creative vision for this project, we were instantly convinced that this is a story that could be successfully refreshed, yet leave the integrity of the original intact."

Anderson chipped in with: "I am delighted to have the opportunity to put a new spin on this classic film which promises to reveal today's gritty underworld in an equally shocking fashion."

Well, we have just six words for Mr Anderson and Handmade: Get Carter 2000 and The Wicker Man, at which point the prosecution rests.

As Mr Shand himself might have put it: "What I'm looking for is someone who can contribute to what England has given to the world: culture, sophistication, genius. A little bit more than an 'ot dog, know what I mean?" ®

Bootnote

*He may have a point. There's a possibly apocryphal story that the original film was going to be dubbed for the US market because our Stateside cousins simply didn't understand a bleedin' word.