Scottish coppers ask bosses to drop trousers
New strides are pants, claim disgruntled officers
Scottish police officers are not best pleased with their new "uncomfortable" and "ill-fitting" crime-busting trousers, The Scotsman reports.
The offending "cargo-style" strides have been deployed across Caledonia as part of a "multi-million pound deal...signed with a Leicestershire company to supply around 30,000 pairs of trousers to police officers across Scotland".
The problem is, officers have dismissed the trousers as "unsuitable for the job", and so serious has the apparel crisis become that "it has now been discussed by the highest ranks of the country's law enforcers".
One dissatisfied Boy in Blue explained: "These new trousers were introduced with a great hurrah as they were supposed to be the best thing they could offer us for the 21st century. But as it turned out though, they were pants - literally.
"They just didn't feel right. They hung wrong. You couldn't get them to look right and with all the equipment which we have to carry, you were worried they were going to end up around your knees.
A police insider admitted to The Scotsman: "There have been difficulties recently with the trousers since the newer-style of pants has been issued. It will eventually be worked out but the number of complaints from officers across Scotland has been high.
"It is not something which the bosses wanted at all, that is for sure. They are working hard with the makers to get the problems sorted and ensure that they do not happen again."
Indeed, the Association of Chief Police Officers Scotland (ACPOS) is now working to resolve the trouser crisis. It last month had a pow-wow with the Scottish Police Federation aimed at preventing a clothing-based breakdown in law and order north of the border, although an ACPOS spokesman refused to divulge the meeting's findings. He said ACPOS would "not be commenting on matters until the minutes had been written up".
For the record, the kecks in question are manufactured by TW Kempton. No one from the company was available for comment on the matter, according to The Scotsman. ®
Two possible reasons for this.
One, it might be a half-assed (geddit) attempt to help the police integrate with yoof culture by wearing trousers with the crutch at knee level.
Two, it might be sabotage by a foreign power, as exposed by the Goon Show on the last day of the 1950s.
That particular attack involved shirts; details at http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s10e02_tales_of_mens_shirts
Inerestingly, the shirts were also made in Leicestershire.
What are they doing in trousers anyway? Surely the tourism industry would benefit enormously from issuing them with kilts instead...
30,000 pairs of trousers?
Multi-million pound deal?. Assume it's only £5 million, and that's (tapitty tap) £166.67 a pair.
Cheap at half the price. Or possibly not.