Jesus appears in Samsung Flash memory chip
Electron microscopy reveals 4-gig Messiah
True believers and Golden Palace Casino take note: we have just received news that Our Lord has manifested himself in a four-gig Samsung Flash memory chip - complete with beard and ethereal "flower petal halo" effect.
Yay verily, as the Bible sayeth (Luke 21:27): "At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory." Bendeth thine ears also to the words of Matthew 24:27: "For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so will be the coming of the Son of man."
Well, four gigs is plenty of power by anyone's reckoning, and as for "the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west", that's just too spooky to be coincidence. Time to repent, and no mistake.
For the record, and before we all nip to the pub for one last pint before the final judgement, the Flash Messiah was revealed by Chipworks using transmission electron microscopy. The company's Dick James explained to El Reg: "We often get dark fringe lines in the silicon, and in this case it looks like there was some holy influence." ®
Several hardened atheists here at Vulture Central have suggested this is in fact Gandalf - a heretical suggestion given that Gandalf is a fictional character without the power to manifest himself in silicon. We have, accordingly, emailed their details to the Spanish Inquisition.
The Faith-based All-Powerful
(Luke 21:27): "At that time they will see America's spiritual leader Pastor Ted Haggard coming in the White House with power and great glory." Bendeth thine ears also to the words of Karl Rove 24:27: "By the grace of Diebold, for as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so will be the coming of the grandson of Prescott Bush."
Back from the dead?
Surely it's not Jesus, but Rasputin?
Some of the above concepts lead me to ask, in a suspicious tone of voice, has anyone ever seen Jesus and Osama bin Laden in the room at the same time?
I have longish hair and a beard.
I therefore declare, ex cathedra, in my capacity as Pope Visible Eyebrows, that it is me. Since I am a Pope, and therefore infallible, the argument must now cease on pain of excommunication.
Jesus on a Chip
Last time Jesus appeared on a chip, it was on a tortilla in Mexico. A woman flipped the tortilla over, and saw the face of Jesus. Ignoring the priest's assurances that this was not actually Jesus, she enshrined the tortilla and had people coming to venerate it. Not sure if it's still around - this was some years ago.
Anyway, this person looks a lot like Charles Manson. Or bin Laden, or just about anyone with longish hair and a beard. Why couldn't it even be Judas?