Wipe your arse less, suggests Sheryl Crow
One sheet per sitting to save the planet
Eco-friendly chanteuse Sheryl Crow - who's just completed a US "Stop Global Warming College Tour" with "environmental activist" Laurie David - has formulated a cunning plan to save the planet: use less toilet paper and dispense with the services of paper napkins.
Crow's mission during her 11-stop campaign was "to persuade students to help combat the world's environmental problems", the BBC notes. Her illuminating blog reveals she "spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming".
And here's the upshot of that contemplation: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required."
Furthermore, Crow also fancies the idea of "not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefullness".
To prove she walks it like she talks it, Crow has designed what she calls her "dining sleeve" - a detachable contrivance which offers the user "the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product".
Readers inspired by Crow's significant reduction in her carbon footprint are directed to her store, where the merchandise on offer includes a full range of CDs - presumably made from recycled bog roll and algae-derived bioplastic. ®
Fight Global Warming: Use MORE Paper
What idiots like Crow don't grasp is that what the world isn't as simple a place as their tiny brains make it out to be.
In this case, wood contains carbon. Using wood products not only locks up the carbon, but encourages the growing of MORE trees on tree farms.
Every time you wipe, or use a napkin, you are REDUCING potential carbon dioxide.
She's stupidly confusing the old "save the forests" myth with the new "humans cause increased greenhouse effect" myth. IF we want to reduce greenhouse gasses, we can help do so by cutting (and therefore growing in their place) MORE TREES, not fewer.
Of course Crow probably has this delusion that we need trees to make O2 out of CO2. But, of course, 90% of all O2 production occurs in the oceans. Trees actually consume O2 and produce CO2 at night...and the bacteria between their roots consume produce so much CO2 that it makes up for what little bit the trees consume during the day. The only way trees do ANYTHING regarding greenhouse gasses is that they lock it up in their wood. So the more wood you grow and discard, the more you "reduce" greenhouse gases.
..if you want to stop global warming, gather up all the arse-hat entertainers who couldn't even spell "ecological science," lock tehm in an air-tight vault, and pump out all the air.
I just got back from a small village in india (visiting in-laws - yep i'm a lucky SOB).
When I got to the family home in Madaphur after flying for 9 hours I naturally needed a number two and duly sat down on the bog to do my business.
When I finished I looked over and - WTF - no bog roll......Screamed at the wife (who was obviously used to this) and she came to the door and said "there's a tap on the wall - turn it and wash your butt then wash your hands".
One of the most horrifing moments of my adult life - in the end I kicked up a stink (pardon the pun) pulled off the t-shirt i was wearing (a primark cheapo plain white shirt) wiped, then quickly burned the item concerned and vowed not to poo for the rest of the visit. An achievement considering the amount of curry I ate out there.