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1st April 2007 Archive

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  • Research reveals mislaid microprocessor megahertz

    April Fool The more CPUs speed up, the more they slow down

    It's no wonder we need to upgrade our computers on a regular basis. Not only are chip companies regularly releasing ever-faster microprocessors, but new research has revealed that modern CPUs actually lose megahertz over time. This startling conclusion follows a five-year research programme carried out by the Illyria …

    Reg Hardware 1 Apr 2007, 00:02

  • Apple, Google join forces for 'ultimate phone'

    April Fool Spherical challenge

    Apple and Google have abandoned their individual mobile phone projects for a joint venture, The Register has learned. Apple will mothball its iPhone, announced in January, in favour of a new device that serves as a platform for Google's contextual advertising business. Work on the project, codenamed "ID", began shortly after …

    Mobile 1 Apr 2007, 02:40

  • PowerPoint grows up

    April Fool's Taking the PowerPoint Integration for VSTS for a ride…

    Is Visual Studio Team System Rosario to include the long-awaited PowerPoint plug-in? Well, that's the buzz down at the old "Firkin and Flowchart". The jokes about the "compile button" in PowerPoint that generates working software from marketing B/S will have to be revisited as Microsoft announces PowerPoint Integration for VSTS …

    Developer 1 Apr 2007, 04:02

  • Bloggers mourn bald, rich Fiorina

    April Fool 'I shaved myself for Britney'

    The blogger nation has called for a shared day of silence after former HP boss Carly Fiorina jumped the shark in her bid for the US presidency. Bloggers woke up Sunday to horrific pictures of a bald, wild-eyed Fiorina plastered all over the internet. The executive gave up her well-dressed, well-groomed image in a sympathetic …

    Entertainment 1 Apr 2007, 06:39

  • Microsoft to build on Rogers Partnership

    April Fool's Chief architects drawn together

    Rumours abound that Microsoft is to acquire famed architectural business the Richard Rogers Partnership, in the expectation that it will give a significant boost to the company's architectural capabilities. At time of going to press, the terms of the acquisition had not been disclosed. Though there is no official word from …

    Developer 1 Apr 2007, 07:02

  • Larry Ellison becomes Chief Monk Officer

    April Fool Finds god after brain glaze

    Larry Ellison on Thursday came to the startling yet enlightening realization that he is not god. As a result, Oracle's CEO has gone totally monastic. Ellison's breakthrough occurred following a recent brain-glazing procedure. The billionaire software maker felt a slight, post-op twinge and then saw god before him. The god …

    Entertainment 1 Apr 2007, 17:05