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Home Office threatens illegal immigrants with text messages

Pls do nt dstrb da nabrs as u lv

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UK.gov has unveiled its latest weapon in its battle against illegal immigration – the fearsome text message.

Home secretary John Reid today outlined a stack of proposals to make life for illegals "uncomfortable and constrained". We presume he meant to add "even more".

Reid's aim is to prevent illegal immigrants accessing public services. He railed against foreigners who come to the UK "stealing our benefits" and accessing the NHS for free, according to the BBC.

Reid described plans for a "watch list" of illegal migrants to alert government departments when they apply for services to which they're not entitled. Foreigners settling in the UK legally will need to carry ID cards, and landlords and employers will face action if they employ or house illegal immigrants.

Part of the crackdown will include a "pilot" scheme to remind individuals who enter the UK on visas to not to over-stay. Reid didn't elaborate on how the Home Office proposes to police the cellphones of immigrants. Not to mention whether he planned to strike the world's biggest free SMS deal to avoid bankrupting the HM Treasury.

But that's all just detail.

The point is the mere sight of a Home Office text will clearly be enough to scare people on the cusp of overstaying right back over the UK's borders. Which presumably will put them in the middle of the deep blue sea. Luckily, they'll have their mobiles so they'll be able to call the coast guard for help. For which John Reid will presumably charge them. ®

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