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Need an EU grant? Call a Romanian witch

Hag-assisted applications

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Any reader trying to secure an EU grant but finding the happy band of nations less than forthcoming with the cash is advised to get over to Romania, where supernatural help is at hand.

Indeed, enterprising local witches have turned from their traditional pursuits of brewing love potions and the like, to helping businessmen secure EU wonga.

According to Ananova, a witch named Florica, who stirs her cauldron in southern Romania's Pitesti, explained: "It's a new type of spell that we had to work out of course. You cannot pretend you are a real witch if you cannot help a businessman get the European Union funds he wants.

"For example, only the other day I had a young businessman who came to me with his papers applying for European funds. I spread the cards on his documents, said my spells and splashed the papers with some potions. It only cost him about £40 for my charms but when he gets the money thanks to my spells he will be happy and I will be happy because he will bring me new customers."

And when they're not hexing the EU paperwork, Romania's witches find themselves increasingly sought out by homosexuals who've received an EU boost since rights for gays are now "guaranteed in legislation".

Margareta the Witch (also from Pitesti - must be something in the water), said: "I have come up with a lot of new spells to help men to get together or for men to gain more feminine features. They are starting to use make up and wear jewellery and I am helping with spells to make them more attractive, make their thighs smaller and stop their moustaches growing." ®

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