The Register® — Biting the hand that feeds IT

Feeds

James Cameron finds grave of Jesus & Son

Titanic director rescripts Christianity

Cloud storage: Lower cost and increase uptime

Hollywood giant James Cameron has set himself his biggest challenge yet – rewriting the bible after discovering that Jesus sired a son before being buried outside Jerusalem.

Cameron claims to have found the, now empty, tomb of one Jesua, son of Joseph. The sepulchre also apparently contained the bodies of Mary. As well as another Mary, Matthew and Jofa, and most spectacularly, Jonah, son of Jesua

Cameron will claim in a documentary on the Discovery Channel next month that Jesua is also known as Jesus – yes that one – and that this particular first century household is better know to Christians as “The Holy Family”.

This will be spectacular news as readers of the New Testament have tended to think that after rising from the dead, Jesus ascended to heaven where he is seated at the right hand of the father. The father in question being not Joseph, but God himself.

Equally shocking, at least to anyone who doesn’t buy their reading matter in airports, will be the news that Jesus fathered a son, when he was supposed to have spent his short life performing miracles, redeeming sinful mankind and generally fulfilling his divine mission.

But don’t worry, Cameron has the whole story well tied down.

Apparently the tomb was found 20 years ago, and it has taken this long to decipher the names and to confirm the identities using DNA analysis.

This timelag is just a blink of the eye in biblical terms, and is totally understandable given that Jesus was the son of God, and pinning down supreme beings to get a cheek swab is never easy.®

Customer Success Testimonial: Recovery is Everything

Latest Comments
Anonymous Coward

re: hmmmm

"It is always a wonder why those that argue against religion tend to insult and use abusive rhetorics against those who believe in God."

Let's not waste time digging around and go only by your message, which states in no uncertain terms that non-religious folks are:

"threatened by the authority of holiness", "uninspired", the "dullest of minds", "derelect of private morals". And they are hiding from God as well (which athiests don't believe in anyway, how much sense do you make?)

And you are upset because a godless hethen insulted "you"? What comes around goes around, your post is as senseless as it is hypocritical. You almost had a point in there somewhere, a bit muddy but along the lines that only spiritual folks will understand spiritual enlightenment stuff. THAT begins to make sense. But in the end you make both athiest AND spiritual folks look bad.

0
0

hmmmm

It is always a wonder why those that argue against religion tend to insult and use abusive rhetorics against those who believe in God. Why do you find belief in God to be retrogressive? Is it because your moral standards and ethical composition of your private lives are threatened by the authority of holiness and righteousness. There is nothing logical that can be used to explain the spiritual meaning that God brings to lives that turn to him in repentance. Many Christians and of course "intelligent men like Allen" have tried to logically explain these complex spiritual things but have endded in error. If you want to explain anything in biology, you have to use biological knowledge, if it is chemistry, it sure has to come from the lab geniuses and if it is spiritual, why dont you leave it to people that are spiritually elightened? Now that is logical! The Bible may physicall be put on Library shelves just like any other book but it does contain very important life mysteries that can change the dullest of minds to "enlightened" minds through inpiration from God. Let Cameron have fun and make money off the inept minds of people that are derelect of private morals and want to hide from the "all knowing and almighty God" who will expose their sins presently!

0
0

Questions

I have a few questions to ask to the Christain faith people, In the New testament there is a verse, that states, that a child would be born to a virgin , and his name will be called Immanuel.Who decided to call him "Jesus" and Why? I looked up the names of the twelve Apostals, and discovered something shocking, There are only six Apostals, the other six names are the same people. Do the research, because your paster didn't! In the tombs that were discovered. were there any dates on the tombs, or did that family all die on the same day?. Just asking. And Since all Christians, believe that Jesus lives in them. why not donate, your DNA? Just asking.

0
0

More from The Register

New material enables 1,000-meter super-skyscrapers
Before you read on, see if you can guess how the new stuff will be used
 breaking news
You've seen the Large Hadron Collider. Now comes the HUGE Hadron Collider
International Linear Collider ready to rock and roll
 breaking news
Latest NASA ASTRONAUT class is HALF FEMALE
Newbie 'nauts include lady Marine fighter pilot, male doctor
Boffins find evidence Atlantic Ocean has started closing
'Embryonic subduction zone' that flattened Lisbon headed for Blighty
Google launches broadband balloons, radio astronomy frets
A careless Loon could blind the square kilometre array
Headbangers have a gas, gas, gas in mosh pits
Boffins say heavy metal crowds behave like The Vapours
Hubble spies unlikely planet being born in hostile neighborhood
Hoovering a cloud of sand 7.5 billion miles from a tiny star
 breaking news
Jaguar to open new car-making factory in Blighty (virtually)
Britain still makes stuff, it's just not real any more...
 breaking news
Spin doctors brazenly fiddle with tiny bits in front of the neighbours
Quantum computer address bus just nanometres wide
 breaking news
China's second woman 'naut blasts off for coupling in HEAVEN
Wang and pals test the cosmic waters for Chinese space station