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Dell saves nation from bird flu

Don't panic!

It's been a difficult week in the UK - a letter bomber with no staying power, alleged terrorists arrested, strange white stuff falling from the sky and destroying rail and tube networks, and the arrival of the dreaded bird 'flu on a turkey farm in Suffolk.

Fortunately, help is at hand. We received the following round-robin email sent to members of Dell staff in sunny Bracknell from Facilities Management:

"We are keenly focused on the health and safety of our team and take action whenever we believe either of these is being compromised."

Well, so far so good, but the message then disappears into the densest marketing speak and paranoia:

"Following the recent bird flu outbreak on a farm in Suffolk, our cross-functional Dell EMEA taskforce has been monitoring the situation and is ready to respond to any change in status. If new information presents itself that affects our team, operations or customers, you will be updated via e-mail, the Bracknell Bulletin and/or EMEA E News."

Thank God for that. Your desktop computers are safe and Dell's cross-functional EMEA taskforce is on the case. The message continues with advice on not stuffing dead turkeys behind your monitor, washing your hands and "by having enough cold and flu supplies in your home in advance".

Thankfully, the cross-functional taskforce is not just sending out insane emails. "As further precautionary measures, the Facilities team in Bracknell have today provided telephone sanitizing wipes for each team member to use as they feel necessary. Further supplies can be obtained by contacting Facilities. In addition, a number of sanitizers will be going up in communal areas, for example the canteen and the smokers area."

Dell has been criticised recently for a lack of focus, but this email shows that it's keeping its eyes on the big picture. ®

Bootnote

Thanks to the Reg reader who requested anonymity for forwarding on the email.

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