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Clarins unveils anti-aging satellite defender

Those pesky EM waves at work again

Security for virtualized datacentres

Worried about the ageing effects of electromagnetic radiation? Fear no longer. Youthful looking skin is just a spray away...apparently.

Cosmetics company Clarins has launched Expertise 3P, a product that claims to protect you from indoor and outdoor pollution, as well as nasty electromagnetic waves, by creating an "imperceptible physical film to reinforce the skin's own natural protective barrier".

It achieves a "magnetic defense complex" by combining Thermos Thermophillus and Rhodiola Rosea. The former is a bacteria which thrives at around 85°C, the latter a high-altitude plant known for improving mood and alleviating depression.

Quite how this duo can protect the skin from electromagnetic waves isn't known. But somebody should call NASA. They'll be wanting this stuff to protect their satellites from solar storms - at £30 a pop, it is a lot cheaper that all that heavy and difficult electromagnetic shielding they've been lugging into space up until now.

The enterprising Alok Jha at The Guardian rang Clarins to ask just how this wonderful spray works. Unfortunately for NASA, the Clarins press office wasn't sure when or where the ground breaking scientific research would be published, Jha reports, but it was able to put the reporter in touch with Clarin's head of R&D, Lionel de Benetti,.

"We exposed our cell cultures [of Thermos Thermophillus and Rhodiola Rosea] to a frequency of 900 MHz in the presence of these two plant extracts and found that their structures hardly changed!" an excited de Benetti told the Graun.

Well, that solves it then. All comms satellites should henceforth be dunked in algae. Perfect.

But wait, there could be a catch. The method of use on the company's website helpfully explains:

You can spritz it over bare skin, over moisturiser and make-up, at any time and as often as you like. But if you're going to apply it just once in the day, make it first thing. Remember Artificial Electromagnetic Waves are present 24 hours a day and effect men's skin as well as women's!

Artificial electromagnetic waves. Of course. The real ones will just pass straight through, so it'll be no use in orbit at all. Too bad. ®

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