Feeds

101 uses for a dead iPhone

In the event of product failure, click here

High performance access to file storage

NSFW It's official: paradigms were shifted, technologies redefined and, if the Macheads are to be believed, the world momentarily stopped turning on its axis this week at the unveiling of the long-awaited Apple iPhone™®©.

And very pretty it is too, although some commentators are suggesting that the price - coupled to the Cingular tie-in deal - may be a punt too far for the average consumer.

We shall see. If the iPhone does go the way of the Sinclair C5, forward-thinking users will already be contemplating how it might best serve humanity in the afterlife. We've also put some thought into the matter, and can today offer our top ten tips as to how to extract the maximum possible value from your dead iPhone.

Please note we haven't included the obvious, viz: use it to prop up a wobbly table; deploy it as a drinks coaster; or buy 100,000 unwanted iPhones on eBay and construct a gigantic pyramidal monument to the genius of Steve Jobs. Rather, we've picked the best and most ingenious solutions as suggested by Vulture Central staffers. Enjoy:

1: Stick it in the blender

Put your iPhone in the blenderA pretty perverse concept, you might think, but in reality it could provide seconds of fun for all the family. The inspiration for the blended iPhone comes from Will It Blend?, who have in the past tested an iPod to whirring destruction.

Alternatively, why not pop your iPhone in the microwave? Or, you could simply smash it with a sledgehammer, and post the results on YouTube. Marvellous.


2: Fire it at the Moon

Fire your iPhone at the MoonThis option is specifically for the British iPhone owner demographic who want to contribute something to the UK's space programme.

Professor Sir Colin "where's my probe?" Pillinger will doubtless to be happy to advise how best to embed the iPhone deep into the lunar surface. The resulting impact can be captured in an image such as that seen here, and subsequently posted on the internet for the science community's viewing pleasure.

The possible benefits of such an experiment are legion, including a better understanding of how a future British Moon base might be fortified against Chinese space-launched iPhone attack.


3: Donate it to NASA

Donate your iPhone to NASAAn alternative space proposal is to send your dead iPhone to the space shuttle programme. Indeed, given Apple products' legendarily robust and scratch-proof construction, the iPhone will be warmly received by NASA as the ideal replacement for those pesky heat-resistant tiles.

As you can see here, the administration has already begun fitting iPhones to Discovery in anticipation of the next jaunt to the International Space Station. Once it arrives, The Register has learned, astronauts will detatch one iPhone which contains an emergency playlist of morale-boosting MP3s including David Bowie's Space Oddity and the soundtrack to Alien.


4: Use it to create your own fashion range

Use the iPhone to design your own fashion rangeLet's face it, the possibilities here are endless: iPhone earrings, solar-powered iPhone bikinis or designer iPhone body armour (for our plucky lads in Afghanistan) - the only limit is that of your imagination.

So imagine this: the iPhone merkin, as seen here in Natalie Portman "come hither" mode. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties and add an extra va-va-voom to your intimate relationships. The iMerk will be available shortly in a range of colours including Jobs Jade, Minty Apple Green and Cisco Cerise, as shown here.


5: Turn it into a skysurfing board for your guinea pig

Use your iPhone to create a skysurfing board for your guinea pigGive your furry friend a once-in-a-lifetime trip aboard the iPhone skysurfing board - a 10,000ft rollercoaster ride of airborne joy.

And, if the little fella doesn't survive the drop, you can always get in touch with the Peruvian Guinea Pig Marketing Board, which offers a range of tasty guinea pig recipes including our particular favourite: Montezuma's sacrificial guinea pig gumbo. Tasty.

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
A black box for your SUITCASE: Now your lost luggage can phone home – quite literally
Breakfast in London, lunch in NYC, and your clothes in Peru
Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet
Maria Miller finally resigns over expenses row
Skype pimps pro-level broadcast service
Playing Cat and Mouse with the media
Beat it, freetards! Dyn to shut down no-cost dynamic DNS next month
... but don't worry, charter members, you're still in 'for life'
Like Google, Comcast might roll its own mobile voice network
Says anything's possible if regulators approve merger with Time Warner
EE dismisses DATA-BURNING glitch with Orange Mail app
Bug quietly slurps PAYG credit - yet EE denies it exists
Turnbull leaves Australia's broadband blackspots in the dark
New Statement of Expectations to NBN Co offers get-out clauses for blackspot builds
Facebook claims 100 MEEELLION active users in India
Who needs China when you've got the next billion in your sights?
prev story

Whitepapers

Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.