The ins and outs of a Second sex Life

I find that men (except Max, hehe) are more likely than women to fall into this trap of relying on Xcite as a substitute for what they ought to be doing and saying. And for this reason, I've found that I look toward other women for my occasional partners in SL. Don't get me wrong; I love men irl, but most don't have a clue about cybering, and Xcite only makes this worse, I'm afraid. Most of the women I know in SL also prefer female partners, even when they're primarily straight irl. As a result, a lot of men have got female alternate avatars, or alts, and pretend to be gay or bi girls in order to get with women.

This really shouldn't be necessary. So guys, let me give you some friendly advice: first, don't rely on the Xcite scripts, and second, stop thinking about cybersex as porn. Start thinking about it as creative writing instead. Show off some language skills and some imagination to the ladies, and you'll find them more than willing ;-)

Just how twisted are you, anyway?

You've heard people say that porn and sex fantasy are healthy outlets for urges that would be harmful in the real world. You've heard others say that these fantasies and images can promote harm in the real world. I don't think that question has ever been settled, and I'm sure not going to take it up here. Let me just say that I hope to God that these fantasies are an outlet helping dangerous urges to dissipate harmlessly in cyberspace. Because there is some definately wrong stuff going on between the sheets in SL!

First, there's prostitution. Some of it is freelance, some is organised. There are residents who will cyber with you for a fee - so many Lindens per half hour. This is good if you happen not to be very articulate and have trouble seducing partners with your words. It's also good if you have a steady partner, but also have sexual interests that they don't share. You might not want to start up a competing relationship with another resident, but you might still want to explore your kinks and twists with someone who's familiar with them.

But when you have prostitution, you often have exploitation. Of course, your not going to get hooked on dope in SL and be forced into prostitution, or be threatened physically, but there are people playing serious mind games in this world, and there are other people who are very susceptible to them. Second Life relationships can be very intense. There are needy, vulnerable people on line here who can be exploited easily, and there is no doubt that there is spillover from SL into their real lives as well. So, while coercion isn't the same as it is on the street, it can certainly happen here. Emotional abuse is just as effective as physical abuse, and there are people here who are experts at inflicting it.

Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly

The most familiar of SL's offbeat sexual pleasures is BDSM. It's not something I understand well, I confess, although I'll be the first to admit that I like a little rough stuff myself. I have no problem being slapped, scratched, bitten, or spanked, but I expect my partners not to have a problem when I feel like dishing it out, which I often do at the same time I'm taking it. I'm definately not into fixed D/s roles.