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Google space weapon obliterates 50m insect

Rampaging earwig blown from Google Earth

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Those among you who think that Google is nothing more than a force for international evil masquerading as an internet ad-punting outfit will have to think again. We have just received news that messrs Brin and Page are using their vast wealth not to enslave millions to the Google brand, but rather to protect mankind from rampaging 50m insects.

Regular readers will recall the chilling case of the sleepy hamlet of Arlesberg, menaced by the mother of all earwigs*:

50m earwig captured on Google Earth

Here's the original wide view, indicating the sheer scale of the beast:

The 50m earwig moves on Arlesberg

However, here's the same area now:

Google obliterates giant insect

Quite what kind of terrifying, space-based weapon Google used to blow this monstrous insect back from whence it came is a complete mystery, but suffice it to say we can all sleep sounder in our beds tonight safe in the knowledge that the search engine monolith is ready to strike with massive force against any threat to its customer base. ®

Bootnote

*Yes, yes: we know it's not actually an earwig, and thanks to all those entomologists who wrote in to point out our mistake. Thanks too to Hayden Clark who alerted us as to the giant insect's destruction.

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

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