Feeds

Tech-dependence turns humans into pets - prediction

Fat, anti-social, and over here

Intelligent flash storage arrays

Bad news for believers in the "singularity". Instead of accelerating us into a race of cosmic superbeings, our reliance on technology will turn humans into a species of domesticated pets: docile and anti-social.

So says Oliver Curry, a sociobiologist attached to the London School of Economics. A technology-dependent human race of the future will be obese, have weak immune systems, and be incapable of socializing, empathizing or performing team work, suggests Curry [ * ]. A bit like the "Web 2.0 blogger" of today.

He also predicted that the human race will split into two species, resembling the future inhabitants of earth in HG Wells' Time Machine. There'll be an underclass of ugly, dim-witted goblins (the Morlocks), and a eugenically-pure species of intelligent, 7-foot tall beauties (Wells's Elois) - each one doubtless capable of landing a tenured post at the London School of Economics - or making baseless evolutionary predictions at the drop of a commercial sponsor's shilling.

For quite how Curry arrives at his predictions isn't explained - but that's the beauty of sociobiology, you can just make this stuff up as you can go along - turning the result into a projection of your fantasies. In Curry's 7-foot tall uber-race, women's breasts will be "pert", he predicts, and men's penises will be larger.

It isn't clear if he submitted his prediction in the format of a superhero cartoon, helpfully labeling the large-willied master race "Adams", and the forlock-tugging goblins as "those bastards". But considering the sponsor, he didn't really need to

The "study" was conducted on behalf of the Morlock TV channel Bravo - home of Showdog Moms and Dads. ®

Bootnote: We believe we were the first to document the birth of the "Anti-Social Software" movement last year. We just didn't realize how evolutionary- significant it would be at the time.

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
GRAV WAVE DRAMA: 'Big Bang echo' may have been grit on the scanner – boffins
Exit Planet Dust on faster-than-light expansion of universe
SpaceX Dragon cargo truck flies 3D printer to ISS: Clawdown in 3, 2...
Craft berths at space station with supplies, experiments, toys
That glass of water you just drank? It was OLDER than the SUN
One MEELLION years older. Some of it anyway
NASA rover Curiosity drills HOLE in MARS 'GOLF COURSE'
Joins 'traffic light' and perfect stony sphere on the Red Planet
Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER
That's right, Doris, I've got biggest snout in the prehistoric world
Japanese volcano eruption reportedly leaves 31 people presumed dead
Hopes fade of finding survivors on Mount Ontake
Relive the death of Earth over and over again in Extinction Game
Apocalypse now, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that ...
prev story

Whitepapers

A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.