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Tech-dependence turns humans into pets - prediction

Fat, anti-social, and over here

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Bad news for believers in the "singularity". Instead of accelerating us into a race of cosmic superbeings, our reliance on technology will turn humans into a species of domesticated pets: docile and anti-social.

So says Oliver Curry, a sociobiologist attached to the London School of Economics. A technology-dependent human race of the future will be obese, have weak immune systems, and be incapable of socializing, empathizing or performing team work, suggests Curry [ * ]. A bit like the "Web 2.0 blogger" of today.

He also predicted that the human race will split into two species, resembling the future inhabitants of earth in HG Wells' Time Machine. There'll be an underclass of ugly, dim-witted goblins (the Morlocks), and a eugenically-pure species of intelligent, 7-foot tall beauties (Wells's Elois) - each one doubtless capable of landing a tenured post at the London School of Economics - or making baseless evolutionary predictions at the drop of a commercial sponsor's shilling.

For quite how Curry arrives at his predictions isn't explained - but that's the beauty of sociobiology, you can just make this stuff up as you can go along - turning the result into a projection of your fantasies. In Curry's 7-foot tall uber-race, women's breasts will be "pert", he predicts, and men's penises will be larger.

It isn't clear if he submitted his prediction in the format of a superhero cartoon, helpfully labeling the large-willied master race "Adams", and the forlock-tugging goblins as "those bastards". But considering the sponsor, he didn't really need to

The "study" was conducted on behalf of the Morlock TV channel Bravo - home of Showdog Moms and Dads. ®

Bootnote: We believe we were the first to document the birth of the "Anti-Social Software" movement last year. We just didn't realize how evolutionary- significant it would be at the time.

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