Feeds

Washing machine attacks Icelander

Reykjavík spin cycle of death

The next step in data security

Here's a cautionary tale for those mothers who are in the habit of telling their long-suffering offspring that to exit the house wearing anything less than whiter-than-white underwear could result - in the event of fire-breathing bus attack - in attendant paramedics recoiling in horror from your smoking remains with a "Jesus, look at the state of his pants..."

What most mums don't realise, though, is that the risk of being attacked by a bendy bus and thereafter exposed to public humiliation is greatly outweighed by the possibility that the very process of obtaining pristine undies could prove fatal.

Yup, it is with a chill in our hearts that the neoLuddite Resistance Army can today report on the first instance of a Satanic washing machine. According to the Iceland Review, a Reykjavík man earlier this month "had to call police...after winding up in a critical situation while doing laundry".

The shaken victim told police "he had placed dirty laundry in the washing machine but when he turned on the machine it began to jerk and lurch with a great deal of commotion, ending up propped up against the laundry room door and blocking the exit".

Our Mephistophelean white goods analysis bureau says further details of the attack, including the make of the machine in question, are not currently available. It does, however, conclude that we are dealing with a new generation of super-potent cyberwashers which evidently cannot be disabled simply by pulling out the plug.

Icelanders, meanwhile, are completely oblivious to the dangers of the "Reykjavík spin cycle of death", as we've dubbed it. The police who intervened to neutralise the washing machine menace made light of the incident with the comment that "this was one more example that doing laundry is not man's work".

A word of advice: you won't be making smartarse quips when your mum has been knocked down the stairs by the Dyson and into the path of a psychotic Zanussi. Consider yourselves warned. ®

Bootnote

Good work by NRA comrade Neil Webster in spotting this incident. Stay vigilant.

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
SCREW YOU, Russia! NASA lobs $6.8bn at Boeing AND SpaceX to run space station taxis
Musk charging nearly half as much as Boeing for crew trips
Boffins say they've got Lithium batteries the wrong way around
Surprises at the nano-scale mean our ideas about how they charge could be all wrong
Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight
Our US allies to probe potential Vulture 2 servo freeze
Europe prepares to INVADE comet: Rosetta landing site chosen
No word yet on whether backup site is labelled 'K'
Cracked it - Vulture 2 power podule fires servos for 4 HOURS
Pixhawk avionics juice issue sorted, onwards to Spaceport America
City hidden beneath England's Stonehenge had HUMAN ABATTOIR. And a pub
Boozed-up ancients drank beer before tearing corpses apart
'Duck face' selfie in SPAAAACE: Rosetta's snap with bird comet
Probe prepares to make first landing on fast-moving rock
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.