Feeds

Washing machine attacks Icelander

Reykjavík spin cycle of death

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Here's a cautionary tale for those mothers who are in the habit of telling their long-suffering offspring that to exit the house wearing anything less than whiter-than-white underwear could result - in the event of fire-breathing bus attack - in attendant paramedics recoiling in horror from your smoking remains with a "Jesus, look at the state of his pants..."

What most mums don't realise, though, is that the risk of being attacked by a bendy bus and thereafter exposed to public humiliation is greatly outweighed by the possibility that the very process of obtaining pristine undies could prove fatal.

Yup, it is with a chill in our hearts that the neoLuddite Resistance Army can today report on the first instance of a Satanic washing machine. According to the Iceland Review, a Reykjavík man earlier this month "had to call police...after winding up in a critical situation while doing laundry".

The shaken victim told police "he had placed dirty laundry in the washing machine but when he turned on the machine it began to jerk and lurch with a great deal of commotion, ending up propped up against the laundry room door and blocking the exit".

Our Mephistophelean white goods analysis bureau says further details of the attack, including the make of the machine in question, are not currently available. It does, however, conclude that we are dealing with a new generation of super-potent cyberwashers which evidently cannot be disabled simply by pulling out the plug.

Icelanders, meanwhile, are completely oblivious to the dangers of the "Reykjavík spin cycle of death", as we've dubbed it. The police who intervened to neutralise the washing machine menace made light of the incident with the comment that "this was one more example that doing laundry is not man's work".

A word of advice: you won't be making smartarse quips when your mum has been knocked down the stairs by the Dyson and into the path of a psychotic Zanussi. Consider yourselves warned. ®

Bootnote

Good work by NRA comrade Neil Webster in spotting this incident. Stay vigilant.

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
GRAV WAVE DRAMA: 'Big Bang echo' may have been grit on the scanner – boffins
Exit Planet Dust on faster-than-light expansion of universe
Mine Bitcoins with PENCIL and PAPER
Forget Sudoku, crunch SHA-256 algos
SpaceX Dragon cargo truck flies 3D printer to ISS: Clawdown in 3, 2...
Craft berths at space station with supplies, experiments, toys
'This BITE MARK is a SMOKING GUN': Boffins probe ancient assault
Tooth embedded in thigh bone may tell who pulled the trigger
DOLPHINS SMELL MAGNETS – did we hear that right, boffins?
Xavier's School for Gifted Magnetotaceans
Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER
That's right, Doris, I've got biggest snout in the prehistoric world
Japanese volcano eruption reportedly leaves 31 people presumed dead
Hopes fade of finding survivors on Mount Ontake
That glass of water you just drank? It was OLDER than the SUN
One MEELLION years older. Some of it anyway
Canberra drone team dances a samba in Outback Challenge
CSIRO's 'missing bushwalker' found and watered
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.