Feeds

Washing machine attacks Icelander

Reykjavík spin cycle of death

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

Here's a cautionary tale for those mothers who are in the habit of telling their long-suffering offspring that to exit the house wearing anything less than whiter-than-white underwear could result - in the event of fire-breathing bus attack - in attendant paramedics recoiling in horror from your smoking remains with a "Jesus, look at the state of his pants..."

What most mums don't realise, though, is that the risk of being attacked by a bendy bus and thereafter exposed to public humiliation is greatly outweighed by the possibility that the very process of obtaining pristine undies could prove fatal.

Yup, it is with a chill in our hearts that the neoLuddite Resistance Army can today report on the first instance of a Satanic washing machine. According to the Iceland Review, a Reykjavík man earlier this month "had to call police...after winding up in a critical situation while doing laundry".

The shaken victim told police "he had placed dirty laundry in the washing machine but when he turned on the machine it began to jerk and lurch with a great deal of commotion, ending up propped up against the laundry room door and blocking the exit".

Our Mephistophelean white goods analysis bureau says further details of the attack, including the make of the machine in question, are not currently available. It does, however, conclude that we are dealing with a new generation of super-potent cyberwashers which evidently cannot be disabled simply by pulling out the plug.

Icelanders, meanwhile, are completely oblivious to the dangers of the "Reykjavík spin cycle of death", as we've dubbed it. The police who intervened to neutralise the washing machine menace made light of the incident with the comment that "this was one more example that doing laundry is not man's work".

A word of advice: you won't be making smartarse quips when your mum has been knocked down the stairs by the Dyson and into the path of a psychotic Zanussi. Consider yourselves warned. ®

Bootnote

Good work by NRA comrade Neil Webster in spotting this incident. Stay vigilant.

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

More from The Register

next story
Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 claimed lives of HIV/AIDS cure scientists
Researchers, advocates, health workers among those on shot-down plane
Forty-five years ago: FOOTPRINTS FOUND ON MOON
NASA won't be back any time soon, sadly
Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Eccentric billionaire Musk gets his PRIVATE SPACEPORT
In the Lone Star State, perhaps appropriately enough
MARS NEEDS OCEANS to support life - and so do exoplanets
Just being in the Goldilocks zone doesn't mean there'll be anyone to eat the porridge
The Sun took a day off last week and made NO sunspots
Someone needs to get that lazy star cooking again before things get cold around here
Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!
New Horizons is less than a year from the dwarf planet
Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab
IBM, MIT, plenty of others invited to fill Uncle Sam's spy toolchest, but where's Google?
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.