FoTW There are times we at El Reg feel like laying down our quill pens, extinguishing the gas lamps and exiting the gloom of Vulture Central, never to return.

And here's why: try this response to Chris Williams' recent Steve Irwin obit...

Exactly what are you referring to when you say hacks? Your paper states "Register readers and hacks were this morning digesting the tragic news of the death of the colourful Aussie wildlife presenter Steve irwin following a tragic stingray attack." So since i am not a register reader (nor would i ever subscribe to a paper like that) according to your paper i am a hack, since I too read the news. Is this correct? I am offended and am contacting a lawyer. Chris Williams is responsible for this pathetic article. Im sure he knows little and I would assume you will punish him for his ignorance. He is obviously retarded and needs help, but then again... all you UK fags are like that. Im glad to be an American where a man runs the country instead of being led by a woman... hahahhaa. How embarrassing to have a woman run your country. They cant even drive properly let alone run a country.

Words fail us. In his defence, our correspondent "Al" (or isn't it actually "Cleetus"?) has quite likely been out with his mountain chums playing his banjo and raping city boys in the woods since Maggie T sank the Belgrano.

Now if you'll excuse us, we're off to punish Mr Williams in the traditional style. As they say where Al comes from: "Now let's you just drop them pants..." ®