Feeds

Misanthropy 2.0

We hate you, puny humans

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

Richard Chirgwin has just one, the antithesis of Ecce Homo, he explains -

Rule: "The purpose of technology is to replace human contact."

The tech-visionary, or pathological geek, he explains, imagines his own needs and desires are an accurate reflection of the needs and desires of all humanity. He writes:

"If I want to live in glorious solitude solumnly ordering delivery pizza over SMS so as not to interrupt the smooth flow of blog entries and venture capital, then that should be the sole desire of all right-minded citizens. The visionary is Nietszche's moralist in a new suit."

Matt Thornton in Guernsey offers just one rule too, and it's pretty similar:

Rule: The output from a standard office shredder (a staple component in the quiver of any disillusioned misanthropist) makes both a comfortable lining and a rudimentary puzzle game for months spent in the makeshift foxhole at the bottom of your garden after the next dotcom fallout.

"Regarding Kelly himself, though - to be honest, I don't trust any person who rates "America‚s Funniest Home Videos" as an example of a "true film", adds Matt.

And the "avoid all wetware" theme continues as an essential Misanthropic Principle:

1) If a technology *can* be substituted for human contact, it *must* be.

Example: If you have a choice between going to a "party" in "The Sims" or going to one in real life, "The Sims" "party" is the only choice. Not that you'll ever get invited to a real-life party anyway.

2) If a technology does not yet exist as a substitute for a particular human activity, you must at a minimum imagine such a possible technology and blog about it, but preferably you should invent and build a prototype.

Example blog entry: "Why is it that nobody has come up with a decent donut-eating simulator yet? The benefits are obvious... the real trick will be getting the aroma-stimulation-circuitry just right... I imagine the sprinkles will need to be limited to chocolate-only for now, the rainbow sprinkles will need to wait for the second prototype due to the bandwidth limitations of the..."

Footnote to rule 2: Any technology you come up with via Rule 2 is automatically "emergent" and must be referred to as such.

Example: Contrary to the published reports in The Register the emergent nature of my new IntarWebDonutinizer9000 is self evident and requires no explanation.

Once a New Misanthrope™ comes up with a technology that can replace the act of dreaming up misanthropic new technologies, the loop will be complete and they will transcend this mortal plane into the ultimate techno-utopia, free of wetware at last. (Or, if the "New Misanthrope" is of the apocalyptic variety, the loop will be complete and the world will crumble, take your pick.

Sean Ross Corvallis Oregon, USA

And ….

Rule #5: Using technology to accomplish a task is always better than getting a human to do the same thing, even if it costs more, takes longer, and provides a less satisfactory result. Rule #6: There is NO rule six.

Todd Hochman

And more…

The Law of Preference: everything you don't like is dead.

The Law of Paradigms: there is a new paradigm.

The Law of Temporal Relevance: everything that happened in the previous paradigm is also dead.

The Law of Laws: it is so until proven otherwise, by which time it will be irrelevant anyway.

The Law of Progress: you're either with us, or you're with the declinists.

The Law of Perpetual Novelty: nobody has ever thought of your idea before, ever; especially if they didn't use the same words.

The Law of Manifest Acceptance: the universe in which your idea is discussed is not the one in which it will be implemented; hence total dissent is no obstacle to total acceptance.

David Cooper

But the winner is much more succinct. To make this a really, really misanthropic competition, it isn't a Rule at all. The competition has been a cruel prank, and so you've all been wasting your time. Hah!

Step forward Dave Bell.

Misanthropy - why be racist in the digital age?

Now we just need to kill all the humans, so the machines can work optimally. ®

HP ProLiant Gen8: Integrated lifecycle automation

More from The Register

next story
BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled
Auntie tight-lipped as major outage rolls on
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
White? Male? You work in tech? Let us guess ... Twitter? We KNEW it!
Grim diversity numbers dumped alongside Facebook earnings
HP, Microsoft prove it again: Big Business doesn't create jobs
SMEs get lip service - what they need is dinner at the Club
Bose says today IS F*** With Dre Day: Beats sued in patent battle
Music gear giant seeks some of that sweet, sweet Apple pie
Amazon Reveals One Weird Trick: A Loss On Almost $20bn In Sales
Investors really hate it: Share price plunge as growth SLOWS in key AWS division
Dude, you're getting a Dell – with BITCOIN: IT giant slurps cryptocash
1. Buy PC with Bitcoin. 2. Mine more coins. 3. Goto step 1
There's NOTHING on TV in Europe – American video DOMINATES
Even France's mega subsidies don't stop US content onslaught
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.