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Poetry in slow motion

A Betjeman fan challenges the current laureate

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Pluto

Pluto:
    Defrocked planet,
    Terror of the underworld,
    Prefix to pluto-nium,
    Mickey Mouse's dog.

One cannot help but feel
It is not a lucky name.

Ode to the hourglass cursor

This is my new system, the latest!
I got it just two months ago.
Its software I'm told is the greatest,
So how come the sod runs so slow?

Apols for my impatient manner:
Explorer's gone off for its tea.
It likes to say "Hi" to the scanner
And check that there's still no drive B:.

I'm staring at Visio's splashscreen -
I clicked on a drawing in Word -
Yet still the main window is unseen.
Is this not just completely absurd?

I've put patch upon patch on this PC.
I've even indulged Acrobat.
But still it is sluggish and wheezy.
So what is the reason for that?

My Outlook is now quite appalling.
Both Opera and Firefox are bad.
There's only one app that's not stalling
But I can't browse the web with Textpad.

A virus, you think? Well, I doubt it.
I'm firewalled and NAT'ed to hell.
And anyway Sophos would clout it,
And McAfee runs weekends as well.

I thought that it might be a reg hive.
I 'decobwebbed' and checked as one should.
I'm even defragging my hard drive
(Though that never does any good).

Ten seconds it took in the DOS days:
Just turn up and turn on and boot.
And after two decades of upgrades
What gains have I seen for my loot?

This is my new system, the latest!
I got it just two months ago.
Its software I'm told is the greatest,
So how come the sod runs so slow?

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

Next page: A4 sheet 3

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