Feeds

MS fits Messenger with sex police panic button

Dirty talk 911

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Microsoft has been persuaded to install a panic button in UK editions of Messenger, enabling every crackpot and prankster to distract police with claims that online sexual predators are pursuing them. A mere mouse click will alert the authorities that an online sex offender has been discovered.

Child-protective hysterics from the UK's Child Exploitation and Online Protection Center (CEOP) are responsible for the bold new public safety strategy.

"What Microsoft and the CEOP are doing today is saying is 'enough is enough,'" CEOP honcho Jim Gamble announced in a a statement. "By working together in a very clear and tangible way we can safeguard children from online sexual predators."

"Behind the 'report abuse' button will sit police and intelligence officers who have been specially trained to tackle child sex abuse. We will tell you how to capture information and how to seize online discussions and then proactively do all we can to track down the perpetrator," he explained.

With the public thus deputized in Her Majesty's Sex Crime Corps, we can anticipate a satisfying increase in the number of perverts discovered. Indeed, it wouldn't surprise us to learn that the number will soon exceed the UK population by an order of magnitude. ®

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Download alert: Nearly ALL top 100 Android, iOS paid apps hacked
Attack of the Clones? Yeah, but much, much scarier – report
NSA SOURCE CODE LEAK: Information slurp tools to appear online
Now you can run your own intelligence agency
Microsoft: Your Linux Docker containers are now OURS to command
New tool lets admins wrangle Linux apps from Windows
Microsoft adds video offering to Office 365. Oh NOES, you'll need Adobe Flash
Lovely presentations... but not on your Flash-hating mobe
You stupid BRICK! PCs running Avast AV can't handle Windows fixes
Fix issued, fingers pointed, forums in flames
HTML5 vs native: Harry Coder and the mudblood mobile app princes
Developers just want their ideas to generate money
prev story

Whitepapers

Driving business with continuous operational intelligence
Introducing an innovative approach offered by ExtraHop for producing continuous operational intelligence.
Why CIOs should rethink endpoint data protection in the age of mobility
Assessing trends in data protection, specifically with respect to mobile devices, BYOD, and remote employees.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Protecting against web application threats using SSL
SSL encryption can protect server‐to‐server communications, client devices, cloud resources, and other endpoints in order to help prevent the risk of data loss and losing customer trust.