Feeds

MS fits Messenger with sex police panic button

Dirty talk 911

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup

Microsoft has been persuaded to install a panic button in UK editions of Messenger, enabling every crackpot and prankster to distract police with claims that online sexual predators are pursuing them. A mere mouse click will alert the authorities that an online sex offender has been discovered.

Child-protective hysterics from the UK's Child Exploitation and Online Protection Center (CEOP) are responsible for the bold new public safety strategy.

"What Microsoft and the CEOP are doing today is saying is 'enough is enough,'" CEOP honcho Jim Gamble announced in a a statement. "By working together in a very clear and tangible way we can safeguard children from online sexual predators."

"Behind the 'report abuse' button will sit police and intelligence officers who have been specially trained to tackle child sex abuse. We will tell you how to capture information and how to seize online discussions and then proactively do all we can to track down the perpetrator," he explained.

With the public thus deputized in Her Majesty's Sex Crime Corps, we can anticipate a satisfying increase in the number of perverts discovered. Indeed, it wouldn't surprise us to learn that the number will soon exceed the UK population by an order of magnitude. ®

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

More from The Register

next story
Why has the web gone to hell? Market chaos and HUMAN NATURE
Tim Berners-Lee isn't happy, but we should be
Apple promises to lift Curse of the Drained iPhone 5 Battery
Have you tried turning it off and...? Never mind, here's a replacement
'Stop dissing Google or quit': OK, I quit, says Code Club co-founder
And now a message from our sponsors: 'STFU or else'
Microsoft boots 1,500 dodgy apps from the Windows Store
DEVELOPERS! DEVELOPERS! DEVELOPERS! Naughty, misleading developers!
Linux turns 23 and Linus Torvalds celebrates as only he can
No, not with swearing, but by controlling the release cycle
Scratched PC-dispatch patch patched, hatched in batch rematch
Windows security update fixed after triggering blue screens (and screams) of death
This is how I set about making a fortune with my own startup
Would you leave your well-paid job to chase your dream?
prev story

Whitepapers

Best practices for enterprise data
Discussing how technology providers have innovated in order to solve new challenges, creating a new framework for enterprise data.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?