Feeds

Nuclear Apocalypse milder than expected

Back to the Ouija board

The Power of One Infographic

Update The Register is pleasantly surprised to learn that humanity continues to muddle along after a leading Islamic scholar predicted its abrupt destruction on 22 August.

Academician Bernard Lewis, a specialist in Middle-Eastern culture and politics, and one of Dick Cheney's favorite thinkers, appeared to have it all worked out in an op-ed piece published by the Wall Street Journal. After a careful reading of scripture, and a bit of arithmetic, Lewis was able to determine the ideal day for Iran to nuke Israel, initiating the atomic Armageddon that we've all been worrying about.

Iran was expected to ignite World War III on the anniversary of the prophet Muhammad's journey to Heaven, which this year fell on 22 August. Oddly, the Iranians seem to have had other things on their minds, and marked the occasion with an overture toward negotiating with the West over their controversial nuclear weapons research and development program.

Of course, it's entirely possible that the professor misplaced a decimal point somewhere along the way, and that the Apocalypse is still being arranged for some equally important but perhaps less pleasant occasion in the Islamic calendar.

The predictions business can be tricky, as everyone knows (The Simpsons' episode "Thank God It's Doomsday" illustrates this nicely, as Homer needs two attempts at calculating the end of the world).

We will of course continue to bring our readers all breaking news regarding the end of civilisation. We regret to remind those who bought Gulfstreams, Lamborghinis, etc., on the strength of Professor Lewis's prior prediction, that they're liable for payments until the debt is satisfied or Armageddon commences, whichever comes first. ®

Mobile application security vulnerability report

More from The Register

next story
Airbus promises Wi-Fi – yay – and 3D movies (meh) in new A330
If the person in front reclines their seat, this could get interesting
UK Parliament rubber-stamps EMERGENCY data grab 'n' keep bill
Just 49 MPs oppose Drip's rushed timetable
Want to beat Verizon's slow Netflix? Get a VPN
Exec finds stream speed climbs when smuggled out
Samsung threatens to cut ties with supplier over child labour allegations
Vows to uphold 'zero tolerance' policy on underage workers
Dude, you're getting a Dell – with BITCOIN: IT giant slurps cryptocash
1. Buy PC with Bitcoin. 2. Mine more coins. 3. Goto step 1
US freemium mobile network eyes up Europe
FreedomPop touts 'free' calls, texts and data
Big Blue Apple: IBM to sell iPads, iPhones to enterprises
iOS/2 gear loaded with apps for big biz ... uh oh BlackBerry
Price cuts, new features coming for Office 365 small biz customers
New plans for companies with up to 300 staff to launch in fall
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Mobile application security vulnerability report
The alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, and the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.