Geek TV Red cards for the "experts" who predicted that the web would go into meltdown during the World Cup, thanks to the bazillions of fans watching the live stream.

Turns out that no one was interested in watching footy online. Well, one in 10 was interested, and he'd only got lost when Googling that rude film with Lea off Big Brother in it.

And there's more prediction debunking from researchers TelecityRedbus, who report that only 2.8 per cent pulled a sickie to watch a game. And of those people who did get round to watching the football, most opted for – who'd have thought it? – the pub or the telly at home.

The meltdown-predicting "experts" were last seen nipping sheepishly out of a bookie's in Redditch, having bet the mortgage on Rooney being the tournament's highest scorer.

Maybe the footy stream fared so badly because every geek in the land was too busy watching Doctor Who. Last week's season finale scored 7.7m viewers, a significant improvement on the first series-ender (6.19m in June 2005). Only 6.77m viewers stuck around on BBC1 to watch the Germany-Poland game; the other one million were presumably locked in the garden shed, shedding secret man-tears over Billie.

Lighten up, gents. Take a tip from the Rev Tom Kennar, who is getting over his Who withdrawal by dressing up as The Doctor.

The Rev Tom, who does Godly works in the south-coast village of Emsworth, will use his dressing-up to teach the Bible to kids. Well, obviously. "Any child who watches Doctor Who will be familiar with the idea of time travel," explains the Rev. "They'll understand going back in time to meet biblical characters. I can't promise there'll be any Daleks or Cybermen, but we will be meeting some of God's heroes of the Bible, and some genuine villains."

Top five to watch this week:

1. The Curse of Superman, Saturday 15 July, C4, 10pm
Much more interesting is the curse of the curse of Superman. This is the curse that causes every tabloid journalist in Christendom to publish that Margot Kidder-Chris Reeve-Marlon Brando's kids-Richard Pryor story at least twice a year, or twice a day when there's a new Superman movie out.

2. Brainiac: Science Abuse, Sunday 16 July, Sky One, 8pm
The hugely popular science series returns for a new go, with Richard Hammond and Jon Tickle at the helm. Highlights include rubbish Tory Neil Hamilton in an electric chair and an experiment to find Britain's fizziest drink. A new live studio spin-off show, Brainiac's Test Tube Baby, airs from August.

3. Huff, Monday 17 July, FX, 9pm
FX treats us to a new series of the quirky US drama starring Hank Azaria as a troubled psychiatrist.

4. Welcome To My World – Porno, Pedlars and Preachers, Thursday 20 July, BBC3, 10.30pm
Doc-maker Richard Macer probes digital TV channels, including Television X (warning: girl-on-girl action) and hapless religious channel Revelation TV.

5. Sinchronicity, Sunday 16 July, BBC3, 10pm
New "non-linear" drama promising "a fun-filled rollercoaster of sexploits". Notable for the presence of Camille Coduri, Rose's mum in Doctor Who.