Feeds

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

For sale: One ex-Manchester United player (cheat)

Remote control for virtualized desktops

Updated As any true Englishman knows, our national football team's traditional crash-and-burn in the World Cup is never as a result of our own shortcomings.

Previous top quality excuses have involved excess heat, unexpectedly low atmospheric pressure, the wrong kind of grass on the pitch, players' concerns over the political situation in East Timor, etc, etc.

Mercifully, though, the 2006 debacle can be attributed to just one cause: "cheating goofy england hating portugezer" Cristiano Ronaldo whose shameful protestations at Wayne Rooney's treatment of Ricardo Carvalho led to the normally even-tempered Liverpudlian's expulsion from the match.

To add insult to injury, Ronaldo then scored the winner in the inevitable penalty shoot-out during which exhaustion provoked by indignation at Rooney's red card, coupled with an unfavourable level of atmospheric humidity and an inauspicious alignment of the planets, saw Carragher, Gerrard and Lampard cruelly robbed of the chance of World Cup glory.

In the circumstances, then, the following eBay auction is hardly unexpected:

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

The blurb elaborates:

Cristiano Ronaldo cheating goofy england hating portugezer, requesting first class ticket out of england.

unfortunately not welcome within 120 miles of Manchester. Requires good accomodation with torture chamber and enjoys 23.5 hours a day on the rack.

Will never be allowed access to the UK ever again so if purchased, a holiday to England is out of the question.

If you are the unfortunate sucessful bidder your life will not be worth living.......we will find you!!!!

The bidding currently stands at £10k, which is a bit of a bargain when you consider Manchester United paid £12m+ for the twinkle-toed Portugeezer back in 2003. Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment this morning.

Thanks to Reg reader Ben for the tip-off.®

Update

As is the local custom, eBay pulled the auction about an hour after we published this. We can only assume the company has its eye on Mr Ronaldo as a possible starter for Dynamo Tat Bazaar FC. Watch this space.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
BIG FAT Lies: Porky Pies about obesity
What really shortens lives? Reading this sort of crap in the papers
Assange™ slumps back on Ecuador's sofa after detention appeal binned
Swedish court rules there's 'great risk' WikiLeaker will dodge prosecution
You think the CLOUD's insecure? It's BETTER than UK.GOV's DATA CENTRES
We don't even know where some of them ARE – Maude
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.