Feeds

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

For sale: One ex-Manchester United player (cheat)

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

Updated As any true Englishman knows, our national football team's traditional crash-and-burn in the World Cup is never as a result of our own shortcomings.

Previous top quality excuses have involved excess heat, unexpectedly low atmospheric pressure, the wrong kind of grass on the pitch, players' concerns over the political situation in East Timor, etc, etc.

Mercifully, though, the 2006 debacle can be attributed to just one cause: "cheating goofy england hating portugezer" Cristiano Ronaldo whose shameful protestations at Wayne Rooney's treatment of Ricardo Carvalho led to the normally even-tempered Liverpudlian's expulsion from the match.

To add insult to injury, Ronaldo then scored the winner in the inevitable penalty shoot-out during which exhaustion provoked by indignation at Rooney's red card, coupled with an unfavourable level of atmospheric humidity and an inauspicious alignment of the planets, saw Carragher, Gerrard and Lampard cruelly robbed of the chance of World Cup glory.

In the circumstances, then, the following eBay auction is hardly unexpected:

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

The blurb elaborates:

Cristiano Ronaldo cheating goofy england hating portugezer, requesting first class ticket out of england.

unfortunately not welcome within 120 miles of Manchester. Requires good accomodation with torture chamber and enjoys 23.5 hours a day on the rack.

Will never be allowed access to the UK ever again so if purchased, a holiday to England is out of the question.

If you are the unfortunate sucessful bidder your life will not be worth living.......we will find you!!!!

The bidding currently stands at £10k, which is a bit of a bargain when you consider Manchester United paid £12m+ for the twinkle-toed Portugeezer back in 2003. Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment this morning.

Thanks to Reg reader Ben for the tip-off.®

Update

As is the local custom, eBay pulled the auction about an hour after we published this. We can only assume the company has its eye on Mr Ronaldo as a possible starter for Dynamo Tat Bazaar FC. Watch this space.

Build a business case: developing custom apps

More from The Register

next story
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
Amazon says Hachette should lower ebook prices, pay authors more
Oh yeah ... and a 30% cut for Amazon to seal the deal
Philip K Dick 'Nazi alternate reality' story to be made into TV series
Amazon Studios, Ridley Scott firm to produce The Man in the High Castle
Nintend-OH NO! Sorry, Mario – your profits are in another castle
Red-hatted mascot, red-colored logo, red-stained finance books
Sonos AXES support for Apple's iOS4 and 5
Want to use your iThing? You can't - it's too old
Joe Average isn't worth $10 a year to Mark Zuckerberg
The Social Network deflates the PC resurgence with mobile-only usage prediction
Chips are down at Broadcom: Thousands of workers laid off
Cellphone baseband device biz shuttered
Feel free to BONK on the TUBE, says Transport for London
Plus: Almost NOBODY uses pay-by-bonk on buses - Visa
Twitch rich as Google flicks $1bn hitch switch, claims snitch
Gameplay streaming biz and search king refuse to deny fresh gobble rumors
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Maximize storage efficiency across the enterprise
The HP StoreOnce backup solution offers highly flexible, centrally managed, and highly efficient data protection for any enterprise.