Feeds

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

For sale: One ex-Manchester United player (cheat)

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Updated As any true Englishman knows, our national football team's traditional crash-and-burn in the World Cup is never as a result of our own shortcomings.

Previous top quality excuses have involved excess heat, unexpectedly low atmospheric pressure, the wrong kind of grass on the pitch, players' concerns over the political situation in East Timor, etc, etc.

Mercifully, though, the 2006 debacle can be attributed to just one cause: "cheating goofy england hating portugezer" Cristiano Ronaldo whose shameful protestations at Wayne Rooney's treatment of Ricardo Carvalho led to the normally even-tempered Liverpudlian's expulsion from the match.

To add insult to injury, Ronaldo then scored the winner in the inevitable penalty shoot-out during which exhaustion provoked by indignation at Rooney's red card, coupled with an unfavourable level of atmospheric humidity and an inauspicious alignment of the planets, saw Carragher, Gerrard and Lampard cruelly robbed of the chance of World Cup glory.

In the circumstances, then, the following eBay auction is hardly unexpected:

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

The blurb elaborates:

Cristiano Ronaldo cheating goofy england hating portugezer, requesting first class ticket out of england.

unfortunately not welcome within 120 miles of Manchester. Requires good accomodation with torture chamber and enjoys 23.5 hours a day on the rack.

Will never be allowed access to the UK ever again so if purchased, a holiday to England is out of the question.

If you are the unfortunate sucessful bidder your life will not be worth living.......we will find you!!!!

The bidding currently stands at £10k, which is a bit of a bargain when you consider Manchester United paid £12m+ for the twinkle-toed Portugeezer back in 2003. Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment this morning.

Thanks to Reg reader Ben for the tip-off.®

Update

As is the local custom, eBay pulled the auction about an hour after we published this. We can only assume the company has its eye on Mr Ronaldo as a possible starter for Dynamo Tat Bazaar FC. Watch this space.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Bladerunner sequel might actually be good. Harrison Ford is in it
Go ahead, you're all clear, kid... Sorry, wrong film
Euro Parliament VOTES to BREAK UP GOOGLE. Er, OK then
It CANNA do it, captain.They DON'T have the POWER!
Musicians sue UK.gov over 'zero pay' copyright fix
Everyone else in Europe compensates us - why can't you?
I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations
Quick, call the Time Cops to sort out this paradox!
Megaupload overlord Kim Dotcom: The US HAS RADICALISED ME!
Now my lawyers have bailed 'cos I'm 'OFFICIALLY' BROKE
Forget Hillary, HP's ex CARLY FIORINA 'wants to be next US Prez'
Former CEO has political ambitions again, according to Washington DC sources
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing and building an open ITOA architecture
Learn about a new IT data taxonomy defined by the four data sources of IT visibility: wire, machine, agent, and synthetic data sets.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.