Feeds

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

For sale: One ex-Manchester United player (cheat)

Boost IT visibility and business value

Updated As any true Englishman knows, our national football team's traditional crash-and-burn in the World Cup is never as a result of our own shortcomings.

Previous top quality excuses have involved excess heat, unexpectedly low atmospheric pressure, the wrong kind of grass on the pitch, players' concerns over the political situation in East Timor, etc, etc.

Mercifully, though, the 2006 debacle can be attributed to just one cause: "cheating goofy england hating portugezer" Cristiano Ronaldo whose shameful protestations at Wayne Rooney's treatment of Ricardo Carvalho led to the normally even-tempered Liverpudlian's expulsion from the match.

To add insult to injury, Ronaldo then scored the winner in the inevitable penalty shoot-out during which exhaustion provoked by indignation at Rooney's red card, coupled with an unfavourable level of atmospheric humidity and an inauspicious alignment of the planets, saw Carragher, Gerrard and Lampard cruelly robbed of the chance of World Cup glory.

In the circumstances, then, the following eBay auction is hardly unexpected:

Cristiano Ronaldo on eBay transfer list

The blurb elaborates:

Cristiano Ronaldo cheating goofy england hating portugezer, requesting first class ticket out of england.

unfortunately not welcome within 120 miles of Manchester. Requires good accomodation with torture chamber and enjoys 23.5 hours a day on the rack.

Will never be allowed access to the UK ever again so if purchased, a holiday to England is out of the question.

If you are the unfortunate sucessful bidder your life will not be worth living.......we will find you!!!!

The bidding currently stands at £10k, which is a bit of a bargain when you consider Manchester United paid £12m+ for the twinkle-toed Portugeezer back in 2003. Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment this morning.

Thanks to Reg reader Ben for the tip-off.®

Update

As is the local custom, eBay pulled the auction about an hour after we published this. We can only assume the company has its eye on Mr Ronaldo as a possible starter for Dynamo Tat Bazaar FC. Watch this space.

Build a business case: developing custom apps

More from The Register

next story
BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled
Auntie tight-lipped as major outage rolls on
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
Nadella: Apps must run on ALL WINDOWS – PCs, slabs and mobes
Phone egg, meet desktop chicken - your mother
White? Male? You work in tech? Let us guess ... Twitter? We KNEW it!
Grim diversity numbers dumped alongside Facebook earnings
Microsoft: We're making ONE TRUE WINDOWS to rule us all
Enterprise, Windows still power firm's shaky money-maker
HP, Microsoft prove it again: Big Business doesn't create jobs
SMEs get lip service - what they need is dinner at the Club
ITC: Seagate and LSI can infringe Realtek patents because Realtek isn't in the US
Land of the (get off scot) free, when it's a foreign owner
Dude, you're getting a Dell – with BITCOIN: IT giant slurps cryptocash
1. Buy PC with Bitcoin. 2. Mine more coins. 3. Goto step 1
There's NOTHING on TV in Europe – American video DOMINATES
Even France's mega subsidies don't stop US content onslaught
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.