RZSL For the uninitiated, we at Vulture central decided last week (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/05/20/rzsl_launch/) it's time to chronicle the battle for supremacy between the members of the animal kingdom.

News from Germany this week that bears had reappeared after a 170-year absence will not come as a shock to readers au fait with recent Scandinavian incursions. Shockingly, locals initially welcomed the invader (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2195755,00.html). After the beast went on a bloodthirsty rampage, eviscerating Bavarian sheep, officials changed tack, and hunters have now been ordered to shoot it on sight. Reuters reports Bavarian Environment Minister Werner Schnappauf saying: "It is now a problem bear. A man-bear encounter could occur at any time. It cannot be allowed to roam freely."

A man-bear encounter could not occur at any time? We couldn't agree more. But as the Deutschland disemboweler is still on the loose, were it not for a bear karate-kicking Finnish woman (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/22052006/323/finnish-woman-fights-free-bear.html), this story would only extend their lead at the top of the RZSL™.

Meanwhile, Norway's Aftenposten reports (http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/article1325684.ece) an attempt by badgers to skip millions of years of evolution and go straight from living in a hole in the dirt to centrally-heated Ikea-style Nordic homesteads. Coming home after a night on the sauna tiles, a man found one snarling under his bed. Most worryingly for Norwegians, their security services were no match for just one angry badger: “The rudely awakened animal ran around the room and ultimately overturned the bed, prompting the police to beat a retreat.”

A good week all round for miscellaneous mammals in fact, as after last week's prostitution of NZ cows, a Wiltshire heifer showed its solidarity by charging a police car (http://www.thisiswiltshire.co.uk/news/headlines/display.var.767429.0.escaped_cow_charges_police_car.php).

Finally, birds indicated they were above the whole sorry scrabble. It seems that, for storks, it doesn't matter if you're gay, lesbian, or straight, you're still a good parent (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1853621.html?menu=).

Here's the standings:

RZSL™ standings – 26/5/06:

1. Bear division
2. Miscellaneous mammals
3. Birds (vultures exempt)
4. Humans
5. Reptiles (including the British Royal Family (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/01/06/lady_di_inquest_scrambles_black/))
6. Insects
7. Amphibians
8. Monkeys/apes/fooballers/evicted Big Brother contestants

No news is good news for amphibians. The lack of random cricket-battings together woeful spectacle in human misery playing out nightly on Channel 4shifts them up a place. Likewise, the plucky Finnish bear fightback lift human spirits. But the hairyness dominates the top, and the bear's ascendancy could be under threat given a few more elephant farmer stompings (http://www.eastandard.net/hm_news/news.php?articleid=1143953010). Stay tuned, eyes peeled. ®

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