We're increasingly convinced that eBay has become the online equivalent of a 19th-century dockside flash house - a dark and menacing lushery shrouded in London particular and packed to the gunwales with snide-pinching screevers, barker-bearing bludgers, tea-leaving toolers, strumpetrous dollymops and, naturally, griddling glocks.

Of the latter, here's a fine example: someone trying to flog a golden ticket which might gain the bearer entry to that celebrated televisual penny gaff - the Big Brother house:

We should explain at this point that the perpetrator of Big Brother - Channel 4 - has cast its net wide in the search for starstruck, emotionally-retarded, socially-inadequate TV wannabes with which to populate its human zoo by concealing Willy Wonka-style golden tickets inside chocolate bars:

100 golden tickets will be placed into KitKat four-finger single bars and Kit Kat Chunky single bars for distribution across the country. The lucky winners of these tickets, having passed the programme's prerequisite and thorough background checks, will be invited to pack their bags, say goodbye to their loved ones and head down to the Big Brother studios for a special live TV broadcast where one of the lucky ticketholders will then be chosen at random to enter the house.

Yes, lucky doesn't even begin to describe it. We gather, however, that the programme's makers are worried that said golden tickets might pop up on eBay - commanding as much as £10k.

Well, their concerns are well-founded, it appears. There is however, something not quite legit about this particular auction:

**BIG BROTHER 7 GOLD TICKET**

HERE IS YOUR UNIQUE CHANCE TO OWN A BIG BROTHER HOUSE GOLD TICKET, AND BECOME ONE OF THE CONTESTANTS IN THE BB HOUSE THIS SUMMER.

BY BIDDING IN THIS AUCTION, YOU GUARENTEE YOURSELF A PLACE IN THE BIG BROTHER HOUSE IF I FIND A GOLD TICKET.

THIS IS A LIFE CHANGING OPPERTUNITY

YOU WILL RECIEVE A GOLD TICKET, WHICH WILL BE HAND DELIVERED BY A SPEICALLY DESIGNATED COURIER.

DELIVERY CHARGES ARE INCLUDED IN THE WINNING BID

That's right - the golden ticket KitKat frenzy doesn't kick off until 18 May. What you're bidding for here is the chance to secure the ticket in the event that the seller get lucky on the chocolate confectionery front. Since the promotional bars are being hawked at 40,000 retailers nationwide, you've got to say it's a long shot.

Nice try, though. ®

Bootnote

What's a griddling glock? Come off it - you're at work. Get Googling.

Thanks to ream cove Gary Cowan for nosing this fine example of fawney-dropping. A shiny alderman says it's topped within the hour.