Feeds

How to make your own World Cup single

Sod Embrace. Create your own terrace anthem

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Tech Digest World Cup blog Who Ate All The Bratwurst explains how to have a footy hit in 10 easy steps:

1. Choose your song
Unless you are a musical genius, pick a 70s or 80s classic and rework it, a la Joe Fagin's That's Livin' Alright/That's England Alright. Something with an anthemic chorus goes down well, or something with adaptable lyrics, like 4-5-1's Stuck In the Middle With Roo ("Cole to the left of me, Beckham to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with Roo...")

2. Choose your country
There are already about four million England songs (and counting), so think about penning one for your second team. Togo would be great, but coming up with a rhyme for Adebayor could prove tricky.

3. Make sure the lyrics fit
This is the tricky part. Anyone can rhyme "Cole" with "goal" and "Well-hard" with "Gerrard", but you might need to take a bit more care when coming up with a couplet for Jermain Jenas...

4. Record the song
Crucial, obviously. I spoke to Nigel Davies, director of design company 300 Million and one of the men behind Joe Fagin's That's England Alright. He says: "It's important to work with professionals, even if your song is an amateur effort. We hooked up with producer Clive Langer (the man behind much of Morrissey's solo work) and we had people who knew what they were doing." You may not be able to get a big-name producer or musician on board, but at least you should be able to get some half-decent musicians on board - no mater how good your song is, if it sounds duff, you're proverbially screwed.

5. Get a record deal
These days, there are better ways to promote your track than via a traditional record deal. The Joe Fagin peeps don't have a record deal and, as Nigel points out, they don't really need one: "Get the publishers on board first and then get a marketing and distribution deal. We felt that the profit margins involved with a record contract were too slim, so in effect we've started our own label, 300 Million records. Good PR is more important these days than a signed record contract."

6. Get listed on iTunes
Much more important than a record deal these days. It takes five weeks to get listed, so you need to get cracking if you want a bite of the apple. Even if iTunes doesn't take it you can always host the download on your site and get people to pay.

7. Make a video and YouTube it
As that German bloke on YouTube proved, high quality doesn't always equal popularity. Buzz, however, does. Get a camcorder, a bunch of mates, and a basic idea and away you go...then get a YouTube account and put it up there. Get said mates to vote for it and watch the hits go up and up. Also think about setting up a MySpace account - one of the best ways to attract the attention of like-minded people.

8. Get a blog
Tell people about how great you are. Simple as that. It's easy to set up a blog - check out Blogger or Typepad to see just how easy.

9. Spam loads of websites
Like some sort of web ninja, spend every spare minute of your waking life in chat rooms or posting to forums and message boards. The internet makes it so easy to PR yourself: Spread. The. Word. Everyone else does it, so why shouldn't you?

10. Relax!
Enjoy your new found fame/wealth/popularity. Buy speedboats, diamonds, your own football club. Set up interviews with regional DJs to tell people why you're great. Whatever takes your fancy. Just don't forget to give us a cut of your cash. Say, 15 per cent?

More World Cup tunes here and here.

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.