Feeds

Blue Peter ID Cards for pesky kids

Diddle dum dum dum, diddle DUM DUM DUM

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

BBC bosses are mulling plans to issue Blue Peter ID cards in place of the coveted badges awarded to kids who prove their lickspittle credentials to producers of the hit TV show.

The Beeb is understood to have tabled the initiative using emergency powers granted under the Prevention of Antidisestablishmentarianism Act (1869), in an effort to bring wayward children back under the corporation's control.

It is understood that BBC security men, investigating the innocent sale of a few Blue Peter Badges on legitimate auction websites, uncovered far more widespread contempt for the corporation's values than feared.

The legitimate internet auctions, where the badges have fetched up to £50 a time, are just the tip of the iceberg.

The badges are highly prized because of the privileges they confer on their owners, such as free entry to London Zoo, Buckingham Palace, the House of Lords and the BBC pension scheme.

On the black market, most badges are fetching over £100. The Gold Blue Peter Badge, children's television's equivalent of the Victoria Cross, is understood to be worth up to £200. Counterfeiting is suspected, but has not been proven.

R Killjoy, head of children's programming, said in a statement today: "It's just not fair for anyone to be able to buy privilege. Privilege is something children learn, from being well-bred in the ways of manners, dignity and good grace," he said. "That is why we are going to clamp down on these bloody kids and put a stop to their contemptible behaviour once and for all."

Class prefects up and down the country received the news of the ID card plan with relief. A recent report revealed how difficult it was becoming for prefects to discipline the unruly children of the ASBO generation.

"This is a vewy encouwaging start," said Cuthbert Cringeworthy, Bash Street School head prefect, in a written statement issued through his PR agent.

"We are weally vewy awfully pleased that we will at last be given the tools we despewately need to do our difficult and dangerwous jobs," he added.

"The oiks are getting out of hand. And we are left with no choice but to use extweme measures," he went on.

"When I wear my Blue Peter Badge, I want to be able to wear it with pwide for the daring way in which I earned it, as a result of which I saw that that wotter Woger the Dodger got fifty thwacks with the sflipper, the sight of which I never quite...," he went on. ®

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.