In light of the Lord Chancellor's recent announcement that all loans to the Labour Party will soon have to be declared and will be capped at £500k, this may be your last chance to gain that well-deserved peerage by the back door and with no questions asked: a seat in the House of Lords for a modest £1.5m.

Here's the accompanying blurb:

Not getting enough sleep?

Feel you're being unfairly passed over by the government for all that money you've given to their party?

Feel you're not quite snooty enough yet?

Own a chain of corner shops and want your own coat of arms?

You too can now purchase a peerage and become a lifetime member of the House of Lords - The most exclusive private members club in the land.

It's not a purchase, it's an investment!

Watch as business is put your way by your fellow members in true masonic style... Steel Magnates and Supermarket owners should not miss out on this perfect oppurtunity.

So place a bid to become a parliamentarian, without the need for those pesky elections - YOU'LL EVEN GET EXPENSES!

These people are a barrel of fun, we even quoted my mate Archer as saying "go for it, it'd be a crime not to"

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want your money back.

Nicely done. Corner shop owners note you have just four days left to avail yourself of this once-in-a-lifetime offer. Get to it. ®

Bootnote

Since we were fully aware eBay would pull this auction within a couple of minutes of us running the story, we rang Tony Blair's office beforehand to offer him our famous "eBay auction killing service". Unsurprisingly, given the stick he's taking over cash for coronets at the moment, he jumped at the chance. We declined payment, however. Suffice it to say, I should now be addressed as "Lord Haines of Hammersmith Broadway".

Thanks to Tim Maidment for the tip-off.