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Off the telly and on the web

I'll overlook the small issue of there not being enough HD-ready tellies to go round for the World Cup, and move swiftly on to the real story of the moment: Star Wars: the TV show.

The latest word from George Lucas is that the series, which is set to run for 100 episodes (not so much run, then, as hurl itself into the air like the Evel Knievel of shark-jumping), will screen in 3D. "Do you mean in the old-fashioned 3D?" asked a Time magazine interviewer, clearly frightened. "Yeah, with glasses and everything," replied Lucas.

3D TV? Did Lucas mis-hear his assistant when she mentioned HDTV? Money can't buy you perfect ears, George.

But it increasingly looks as though the future of TV isn't even HD - it's PC. With a Google survey finding that the net has overtaken the box as the nation's favourite time-filler (164 minutes a day vs 148 minutes), our big TV channels are falling over themselves to get their shows online. So you've got each full episode of The Apprentice on demand for a week after it's screened; clips from all six episodes of The IT Crowd to keep you happy until series two appears, and a wealth of sci-fi, including Doctor Who behind-the-scenes docs, Battlestar Galactica deleted scenes, X Files outtakes and Shatner-vintage Star Trek.

Best of the web TV bunch, though (at least when you're suffering the 4pm blues at work), is Web Junk 20, in which VH1 rounds up the week's best virals and puts them on the telly. And then stick the whole series back on the web. See a Russian chihuahua humping an orange soft toy! See a Russian chihuahua humping an orange soft toy again! And again! (etc)

Back with Doctor Who, you may wish to know that the Beeb has unveiled the cover design for the Christmas Invasion DVD, which will also contain New Earth, first episode of the upcoming new series. Release date is 1 May.

Five to watch this week:

Masterchef Goes Large, Fri 17 March, BBC2, 6.30pm
Forget comedy swearing boy Ramsay: if you want tension in the kitchen, this is it. Tonight's the grand final.

Everybody Hates Chris, Sun 19 March, 8pm
A double-bill intro to Chris Rock's hit US sitcom.

V: The Mini series, from Mon 20 March, SciFi, nightly at 10.10pm (rpt 1.50am)
Legendary sci-fi series about alien visitors who hide a deadly secret.

Green Wing, from Mon 20 March, C4, nightly at 11.05pm
Repeating the first series of the surreal soap-comedy-drama that's basically Scrubs in Smack the Pony form.

The Apprentice, Weds 22 March, BBC2, 9pm
Private jet hire blah blah you're fired blah blah. Paul line of the week: "Their noodles... are made with poodles."

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